Like Gold Experience feels.

[But that doesn't explain anything, he knows, and grits his teeth in frustration.]

I don't know. I don't know if I can explain it. It just feels wrong. Like everyone can see all the parts of me I don't want seen. What makes me happy, even when it shouldn't, and . . . all the parts of me that are too young and vulnerable and desperate. They shouldn't even exist anymore, much less be seen.