[Fugo curls a little tighter into himself while he listens to Kakyoin's story, stomach twisting. I didn't know I liked Jotaro. No, that's it. He's always known: he was just afraid of the word. Of giving it shape in his thoughts, let alone making it real by saying it. He's liked Giorno-- he's loved Giorno-- for so long. And it's not like he has any expectations, either. Because...]
... I don't know what I'm doing. I don't- [His fingers twitch.] I don't think either of us know what we're doing. What sort of words to use, how to talk to anyone about it. Anything.
[He's never had anyone in his life like Giorno. Everything is new and everything is absolutely terrifying whenever he sits and actually thinks about it. A small smile, brief and nervous, twitches across his face at the mention of Jolyne.]
You probably should tell her. Sooner rather than later. Otherwise she'll be here for months and every time you think about you'll get a stomachache. [...] Thanks, Kakyoin.
[Sighing, he pressed a hand to his face. That...was probably going to go badly. But for now Kakyoin set that aside and focused back on Fugo and the conversation at hand.]
Giorno's excellent at giving advice, but I worry he's not always the best at following his own. Even so, I think you'll both be okay. It's fine if you don't know what you're doing, as long as you actually try. Talking about it isn't going to be easy--you just have to be as honest as you can and take things one step at a time instead of rushing ahead.
[One. Step at a time, huh. Fugo goes distantly pink around the ears and he has to firmly remind himself that his collar is fine and that if he adjusts it now, it would just call attention to an area he wants to hide. Instead of addressing that piece of advice--(which, although sound, is... for such cautious people, they're both so impulsive sometimes)--he chews on something else. And that's that Giorno, who's so good at reading other people and giving advice about relationships, is awfully clumsy with his own.
When he steps away from his own anxieties, it's ... not hard, to see the shape of Giorno's. Giorno, who always looks out for him. Giorno, who always worries about the happiness of others before and over his own. Giorno, who asks him in dozens of different ways stay with me. Giorno, who pulls him close because he's so sure that there will come a day when the space by his side occupied by Fugo will be empty.]
[If they ever talk about this-- this thing they are, this wonderful and terrifying whatever they've started-- Fugo realizes that he is going to be the one who has to start the conversation. He's worried, enough that it makes him sick some days, but Giorno is the one who is afraid.]
How... do you do that? [Fugo sets his mouth in a line, worried and folded tightly into himself--but now that he's made his decision, he's not going to shy away from the atsk.] Talk to Kujo about something neither of you want to bring up, but needs to be discussed.
...hm. It's-...We've gotten better at it, but that doesn't make it simple.
[Kakyoin fell silent after that, pulling his knees to his chest and folding his arms over them. There was an answer to this question and he knew it, but it wasn't one which was easy to form from the general haze of miscommunications and arguments and apologies and just experiences.]
Sometimes we just understand one another. Usually when we have to fight someone, but it applies in other situations too. We're a team that got to know each other under some high-tension circumstances--it was either adapt to reading him and understand what he was going to do next, or fall behind and put everyone at risk for it.
[He'd caught on fairly well, if he said so himself. Jotaro was not an easy person to understand on sight, but Kakyoin always had an eye for detail and nuance. And in turn, hadn't Jotaro learned to see what no one else ever had in more ways than one?]
But you can't...rely on that all the time. [Taking a slow breath and idly tapping thin fingers on his arm, Kakyoin started to piece together what he wanted to say.] Don't always assume you know what the other's thinking, because sooner or later you'll be wrong. And sometimes...things need to be said rather than left as something you think is just understood, so it can be clear without any room for misunderstanding.
It's hard--almost impossible, sometimes. But the best advice I can give is just talk, and listen to each other when you do. Sometimes it feels impossible, or hurts more than I can even describe. But keeping everything quiet is going to hurt much, much more.
[Fugo listens intently, taking in Kakyoin's words like a student in a lecture hall; his posture is still tight, less because Kakyoin is making him feel uncomfortable and more that he trusts Kakoin not to look down on him for keeping himself so tightly folded together. Jotaro and Kakyoin met during dangerous circumstances; Kakyoin learned to read his tells to be better able to predict him in combat situations. And, in turn, Jotaro learned to read him.
The explanation seems... so simple, honestly. That however well you know a person, you can never know exactly what they're thinking. And however much it hurts to talk about something painful, it hurts so much more to keep it inside.]
It seems so obvious, when you put it like that. [He doesn't mean that in a derisive way. Only that he's... it seems so simple. Of course pain accumulated over time will eventually outweigh the hurt of one conversation-- however impossible or painful it is in that one moment.]
It's pretty stupid, huh? I know I felt like an idiot when I started to realize how complicated I had made things out to be.
[He acknowledged that lightly, the underlying implication being that just because it was obvious didn't make either of them need to kick themselves for overlooking it.]
As simple as it is in concept, it's...not easy. Nobody ever wants to address that'll only hurt and be difficult to talk about--I don't want to acknowledge how screwed up the three of us will be in a few weeks, but if I left it alone then I know the whole thing will just explode. Does that make sense?
[It doesn't make sense, actually. Not when he first considers it. Because that's how it's always been, for Fugo: he's spent his whole life trying to hide how angry he is, how afraid he is, how hurt he is. He can hide it so well right up until the point he can't and all of the ugliness he's kept out of sight bursts out of him in a fit of temper. Of course it's not pleasant to lose his temper, but...
Isn't it worth it? Because if he can spare others from--]
Oh. [And just like that, it clicks. Nobody wants to address things that will only hurt. Nobody wants to hurt the ones they love, either. When it comes to carrying a heavy burden, of course you want to carry it as far as you can before your legs give out and try to pick yourself up without anyone seeing that you've fallen to begin with.
But that's the thing about love, isn't it. When someone loves you, you don't have to carry your burdens on your own; if they're too heavy, loving someone means letting go and letting them help you.] Oh.
[That's the sort of person Giorno is for him. And that's the sort of person he can be-- is-- for Giorno. This is just another thing that boils down to half of a step. When it hurts too much for either of them to take a single step, they just need to meet halfway.]
... I-- think so. [He's a little shell-shocked by this internal revelation, even though... practically speaking, he knew all of this already.]
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... I don't know what I'm doing. I don't- [His fingers twitch.] I don't think either of us know what we're doing. What sort of words to use, how to talk to anyone about it. Anything.
[He's never had anyone in his life like Giorno. Everything is new and everything is absolutely terrifying whenever he sits and actually thinks about it. A small smile, brief and nervous, twitches across his face at the mention of Jolyne.]
You probably should tell her. Sooner rather than later. Otherwise she'll be here for months and every time you think about you'll get a stomachache. [...] Thanks, Kakyoin.
no subject
Giorno's excellent at giving advice, but I worry he's not always the best at following his own. Even so, I think you'll both be okay. It's fine if you don't know what you're doing, as long as you actually try. Talking about it isn't going to be easy--you just have to be as honest as you can and take things one step at a time instead of rushing ahead.
no subject
When he steps away from his own anxieties, it's ... not hard, to see the shape of Giorno's. Giorno, who always looks out for him. Giorno, who always worries about the happiness of others before and over his own. Giorno, who asks him in dozens of different ways stay with me. Giorno, who pulls him close because he's so sure that there will come a day when the space by his side occupied by Fugo will be empty.]
[If they ever talk about this-- this thing they are, this wonderful and terrifying whatever they've started-- Fugo realizes that he is going to be the one who has to start the conversation. He's worried, enough that it makes him sick some days, but Giorno is the one who is afraid.]
How... do you do that? [Fugo sets his mouth in a line, worried and folded tightly into himself--but now that he's made his decision, he's not going to shy away from the atsk.] Talk to Kujo about something neither of you want to bring up, but needs to be discussed.
no subject
[Kakyoin fell silent after that, pulling his knees to his chest and folding his arms over them. There was an answer to this question and he knew it, but it wasn't one which was easy to form from the general haze of miscommunications and arguments and apologies and just experiences.]
Sometimes we just understand one another. Usually when we have to fight someone, but it applies in other situations too. We're a team that got to know each other under some high-tension circumstances--it was either adapt to reading him and understand what he was going to do next, or fall behind and put everyone at risk for it.
[He'd caught on fairly well, if he said so himself. Jotaro was not an easy person to understand on sight, but Kakyoin always had an eye for detail and nuance. And in turn, hadn't Jotaro learned to see what no one else ever had in more ways than one?]
But you can't...rely on that all the time. [Taking a slow breath and idly tapping thin fingers on his arm, Kakyoin started to piece together what he wanted to say.] Don't always assume you know what the other's thinking, because sooner or later you'll be wrong. And sometimes...things need to be said rather than left as something you think is just understood, so it can be clear without any room for misunderstanding.
It's hard--almost impossible, sometimes. But the best advice I can give is just talk, and listen to each other when you do. Sometimes it feels impossible, or hurts more than I can even describe. But keeping everything quiet is going to hurt much, much more.
no subject
The explanation seems... so simple, honestly. That however well you know a person, you can never know exactly what they're thinking. And however much it hurts to talk about something painful, it hurts so much more to keep it inside.]
It seems so obvious, when you put it like that. [He doesn't mean that in a derisive way. Only that he's... it seems so simple. Of course pain accumulated over time will eventually outweigh the hurt of one conversation-- however impossible or painful it is in that one moment.]
no subject
[He acknowledged that lightly, the underlying implication being that just because it was obvious didn't make either of them need to kick themselves for overlooking it.]
As simple as it is in concept, it's...not easy. Nobody ever wants to address that'll only hurt and be difficult to talk about--I don't want to acknowledge how screwed up the three of us will be in a few weeks, but if I left it alone then I know the whole thing will just explode. Does that make sense?
no subject
Isn't it worth it? Because if he can spare others from--]
Oh. [And just like that, it clicks. Nobody wants to address things that will only hurt. Nobody wants to hurt the ones they love, either. When it comes to carrying a heavy burden, of course you want to carry it as far as you can before your legs give out and try to pick yourself up without anyone seeing that you've fallen to begin with.
But that's the thing about love, isn't it. When someone loves you, you don't have to carry your burdens on your own; if they're too heavy, loving someone means letting go and letting them help you.] Oh.
[That's the sort of person Giorno is for him. And that's the sort of person he can be-- is-- for Giorno. This is just another thing that boils down to half of a step. When it hurts too much for either of them to take a single step, they just need to meet halfway.]
... I-- think so. [He's a little shell-shocked by this internal revelation, even though... practically speaking, he knew all of this already.]
no subject
[...]
Fugo? Are you okay?
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I'm fine. I just realized something. [...] Something obvious, but. I think I understand the reasoning behind your course of action.