what did i just say
we're obligated to do this
i don't make the friendship rules kakyoin
we're obligated to do this
i don't make the friendship rules kakyoin
you definitely won't
anyway i don't know why you're protesting
like talking about sex is the worst thing we've ever done together
anyway i don't know why you're protesting
like talking about sex is the worst thing we've ever done together
well yeah
honestly
i mean look all bullshitting aside i dno't care if we don't talk about it
but i usually end up telling my friends
honestly
i mean look all bullshitting aside i dno't care if we don't talk about it
but i usually end up telling my friends
[He's gotten into the habit of texting Kakyoin whenever he wants to ask him something emotional. It's convenient and far easier, because they can both hide their expression that way. But for something like this, Polnareff wants to speak in person. Maybe because it's not about him, which will make the issue all the harder to articulate. Maybe because it's a sensitive topic to Kakyoin, and he wants to make sure he doesn't mess up.
Either way, the day after Bruno's birthday, once everyone has finished supper, Polnareff tugs at Kakyoin's sleeve. Nodding his head, he heads out into the backyard. The sun has long since set, and Polnareff is an orange glow in the darkness, his cigarette flaring as he lights up.]
I need your advice.
Either way, the day after Bruno's birthday, once everyone has finished supper, Polnareff tugs at Kakyoin's sleeve. Nodding his head, he heads out into the backyard. The sun has long since set, and Polnareff is an orange glow in the darkness, his cigarette flaring as he lights up.]
I need your advice.
I--
[He glances up and away. He wants so badly to be able to be tactful. God knows he's not, but this is important to both Bruno and Kakyoin.]
Those nightmares a few weeks ago. The ones where we all went into one another's dreams. I saw . . . I saw Bruno dying.
[That's not the problem. Or-- well, it had been a problem, but not the one Polnareff is referring to.]
Afterwards . . . we were a mess, y'know? And after all of it, after we'd calmed down, I told him: I love you. Because I do, I love him, and I wanted him to know.
[His ears burn at that, anxiety clawing in the pit of his stomach, but he shoves it away. Now isn't the time for that kind of anxiety, and anyway, it's pointless. Kakyoin of all people isn't going to take issue with that statement.]
And just-- god, it almost made it worse, because then it came out he just . . . [A momentary pause.] He loves me too, y'know? But he didn't even want to start this, because he knew-- he kept saying things like I'm on borrowed time, Jean and I don't have a future. And it's not like he's lying, I understand what he's saying, but I just-- he wants to go home, Noriaki, he wants to not be dead, he wants all this shit and I don't know what to tell him. He doesn't want to be here, and I just-- I know he thinks about it. And I don't know what to do.
[He glances up and away. He wants so badly to be able to be tactful. God knows he's not, but this is important to both Bruno and Kakyoin.]
Those nightmares a few weeks ago. The ones where we all went into one another's dreams. I saw . . . I saw Bruno dying.
[That's not the problem. Or-- well, it had been a problem, but not the one Polnareff is referring to.]
Afterwards . . . we were a mess, y'know? And after all of it, after we'd calmed down, I told him: I love you. Because I do, I love him, and I wanted him to know.
[His ears burn at that, anxiety clawing in the pit of his stomach, but he shoves it away. Now isn't the time for that kind of anxiety, and anyway, it's pointless. Kakyoin of all people isn't going to take issue with that statement.]
And just-- god, it almost made it worse, because then it came out he just . . . [A momentary pause.] He loves me too, y'know? But he didn't even want to start this, because he knew-- he kept saying things like I'm on borrowed time, Jean and I don't have a future. And it's not like he's lying, I understand what he's saying, but I just-- he wants to go home, Noriaki, he wants to not be dead, he wants all this shit and I don't know what to tell him. He doesn't want to be here, and I just-- I know he thinks about it. And I don't know what to do.
Ah, Christ--
[Maybe he shouldn't have asked. God, Kakyoin looks like he'd just been sucker punched; he most definitely shouldn't have asked. This is a touchy subject and he should have brought it up with Jotaro, with someone who didn't die.]
Never mind. Look, forget it. He's happy from his birthday, he's real over the moon, and that'll last a while, I can figure it out in the meantime.
[Maybe he shouldn't have asked. God, Kakyoin looks like he'd just been sucker punched; he most definitely shouldn't have asked. This is a touchy subject and he should have brought it up with Jotaro, with someone who didn't die.]
Never mind. Look, forget it. He's happy from his birthday, he's real over the moon, and that'll last a while, I can figure it out in the meantime.
[In some ways, there was no helping at all. He knew that. It was what made the situation so maddening. It wasn't that the price was too high to pay, or the cure too difficult to find. He could conquer those things. But there was nothing to do, nothing at all, and so he was trapped. Helpless, and god, but did he ever hate that.]
Do you like it here?
[An off-tangent question, maybe, but not as much as Kakyoin might have thought.]
Do you like it here?
[An off-tangent question, maybe, but not as much as Kakyoin might have thought.]
But you think you can.
[He says that, realizes how it sounds, and hastily adds:]
I do too, but-- Bruno doesn't. He thinks this is it, and he hates it, and I don't blame him. But I don't . . . I don't know how to say I'll find a way to fix it without sounding like I'm lying to him.
[Never mind all the time issues that he and Bruno have. That's a problem for another day.]
[He says that, realizes how it sounds, and hastily adds:]
I do too, but-- Bruno doesn't. He thinks this is it, and he hates it, and I don't blame him. But I don't . . . I don't know how to say I'll find a way to fix it without sounding like I'm lying to him.
[Never mind all the time issues that he and Bruno have. That's a problem for another day.]
[He nodded. Took a long drag on his cigarette, trying like hell to focus. He'd been smoking less, thanks to Bruno's crisply expressed wishes. He didn't mind all that much, except it meant that he really had to make the most out of each cigarette. So: inhale, savor, exhale, a long slow process that gave him time to think.]
But that changed somewhere along the way, right? Thinking there's no point in doing anything. I mean, you and Jojo--
[He gestured vaguely, indicating their general relationship.]
You aren't just in it thinking it's all gonna end here. Are you?
But that changed somewhere along the way, right? Thinking there's no point in doing anything. I mean, you and Jojo--
[He gestured vaguely, indicating their general relationship.]
You aren't just in it thinking it's all gonna end here. Are you?
I think so.
[He glanced towards Kakyoin for a few moments before looking away.]
But I think he doesn't, sometimes. [...] I know he doesn't sometimes. The day we got together he shot me down at first, because he thought it'd be kinder if we didn't start something.
[He glanced towards Kakyoin for a few moments before looking away.]
But I think he doesn't, sometimes. [...] I know he doesn't sometimes. The day we got together he shot me down at first, because he thought it'd be kinder if we didn't start something.
I know.
[Inhale, savor, exhale.]
But you thought it was worth it, in the end.
[Inhale, savor, exhale.]
But you thought it was worth it, in the end.
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