lapidarius | rubycity_rp ic inbox

lapidarius

"This is Kakyoin Noriaki. Please leave a message, I'll contact you as soon as I can."

⇦ ● ⇨

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

lapidarius

I do. Occasionally, yes, circumstances do try their best to make us all profoundly miserable in the worst ways. But it's because I came here that I was able to meet Giorno, Buccellati, Caesar, Fugo, or any of the other friends I've made in the time that I've been here.

[...]

...But it's not really home. It--it is, I mean...this place feels more like home to me than I think anywhere else really has before. But it's not where I should be. It's not Tokyo, it's not my parents' house.

I like this city, and I'm happy here. But every last one of us needs to be somewhere else if we want to keep living our lives. I want to go back to school and to university after that--I want to meet Jolyne someday, whatever that takes. I want to go to Morioh and Italy and...I can't do any of that if I'm stuck here.

From:

silvercrusader

But you think you can.

[He says that, realizes how it sounds, and hastily adds:]

I do too, but-- Bruno doesn't. He thinks this is it, and he hates it, and I don't blame him. But I don't . . . I don't know how to say I'll find a way to fix it without sounding like I'm lying to him.

[Never mind all the time issues that he and Bruno have. That's a problem for another day.]

From:

lapidarius

I stop at thinking that I can because if I start asking myself how, I feel like I'll want to start screaming and never stop. Like examining that too closely is just going to make me completely snap and give up.

When I first got here, I was pretty convinced this was it too. But it just didn't make sense, I mean look at me, I'm still breathing right now. Am I really just supposed to accept that someday I might just...

[But he had to accept it, didn't he? Any of them could just leave with no warning. And for some, that was a problem with much more finality than others. Kakyoin folded his arms, glancing away for just a second or two while he tried collecting himself again.]

...I understand Buccellati's perspective. I don't know with certainty that any of us can fix this, and I know what it feels like to think there's no point in anything if we can't.

['I won't ask him to love someone that probably doesn't have a future.' Hadn't Kakyoin said that himself once, maybe just a little over a year ago?]

...But that means that I really don't know how to help, either.

From:

silvercrusader

[He nodded. Took a long drag on his cigarette, trying like hell to focus. He'd been smoking less, thanks to Bruno's crisply expressed wishes. He didn't mind all that much, except it meant that he really had to make the most out of each cigarette. So: inhale, savor, exhale, a long slow process that gave him time to think.]

But that changed somewhere along the way, right? Thinking there's no point in doing anything. I mean, you and Jojo--

[He gestured vaguely, indicating their general relationship.]

You aren't just in it thinking it's all gonna end here. Are you?

From:

lapidarius

I have to be realistic and accept the possibility that it could, Jean. Whether or not I leave this city and when is out of my control; it has been since the moment I got here, the same as anyone else.

But I... [Kakyoin trailed off, Hierophant winding through his fingers and around his hand in silent restlessness.] ...If this is my only chance, I don't want to spend it being afraid of the possibilities. I don't want to spend it afraid of anything.

I love Jotaro, and I care about every last one of you. Distancing myself because of how unsure I am of what comes next would only hurt both sides that much more, if the worst should eventually happen. Wouldn't it?

From:

silvercrusader

I think so.

[He glanced towards Kakyoin for a few moments before looking away.]

But I think he doesn't, sometimes. [...] I know he doesn't sometimes. The day we got together he shot me down at first, because he thought it'd be kinder if we didn't start something.

From:

lapidarius

I didn't want to start anything at first, either. I thought that if I did, and it turned out that I couldn't go back-...

[He curled his fingers around Hierophant, the coil twisting around Kakyoin's hand as though it were a second hand holding on just as securely.]

...You know I wouldn't hurt him like that. Not if I could help it.

From:

silvercrusader

I know.

[Inhale, savor, exhale.]

But you thought it was worth it, in the end.

From:

lapidarius

Yeah, I did. And--maybe it's a little selfish, but I didn't want to just hide how I felt. Even if it was to protect him from getting hurt, that just didn't feel right.

From:

silvercrusader

I don't think it's selfish.

[He shoved his hands in his pockets.]

Bruno brought that up too, and I gotta say, I'm glad he started with us. Even if it hurts, even on nights like that, I'm still glad.

From:

lapidarius

[Kakyoin answered with a small nod of acknowledgement, folding his arms again.]

Yeah...it's good that there's that much, at least.

From:

silvercrusader

[It is good. But it leaves him with the same problem, and one nobody knew how to solve. If there even was a solution. But there had to be, hadn't there? Kakyoin wasn't exactly the most happy-go-lucky guy, but if he could get to a point where he didn't carry equal amounts of guilt and grief about his death and his relationship with Jotaro, Bruno ought to be able to as well. Right?

Polnareff sighed, his eyes closing for a moment.]

I just . . . even if I do anything and everything to give him a bit of home, it's not what he wants. You know? He doesn't want a life here, he doesn't want a relationship that means something-- or he does, but not to build one here. And I don't know . . .

[He glanced over at Kakyoin.]

I mean, who the hell knows if any of us remember this at home? Who knows what's gonna happen? If we all go back safe and sound, if we find some way to keep you two alive-- then what? He'll go to 2001 and I'll go to 1988, and from my perspective he'll still be a kid. It's just--

[Christ. Now he was spiraling. Polnareff scowled and sucked harder on his cigarette.]

Forget it. I just want him to be happy, that's all.

Edited Date: 2016-10-07 12:54 am (UTC)

From:

lapidarius

[Kakyoin stepped a little closer, the hand that wasn't tangled in a glowing coil brought to rest lightly on Polnareff's arm.]

I know that you do, Jean. I wish I could tell you that it's going to be okay, or that there's sure to be some kind of solution where everyone's happy. But I don't know if there is, and if there is it's sure as hell not going to be an easy one.

...All I can tell you is that I'm here for you. All of us are.

Edited Date: 2016-10-07 01:14 am (UTC)

From:

silvercrusader

Yeah.

[Would that assurance have come six months ago? He wonders. Kakyoin had always been his friend, but only recently had they gotten close enough that such assurances were so freely given. I'm here for you, and he knew those weren't just empty words.

He offered him a slight smile.]

Thanks.

[A beat, and then, far more cheerfully:]

Anyway, at least his birthday went well. I was a little worried about that one, but turns out getting your boyfriend his favorite record works no matter what.

From:

lapidarius

Don't worry about it.

[The idea of having friends had gotten less and less strange over time, but Polnareff was different. Not to say that they weren't friends by any means--it was simply that Polnareff had always been on something of a level entirely his own. There were his numerous friends, both in and out of the city. Then there was Caesar who was like his brother, Giorno who was in many ways a strangely distorted reflection of Kakyoin himself, and Jotaro who was both his closest friend and simultaneously something even more significant than that.]

[Somewhere in a nebulous, undefined space between the people who mattered most was Jean-Pierre Polnareff, who was the kind of carefree and reckless influence a person like Kakyoin needed. Someone who understood things that no one else possibly could, who was unfailingly kind and a steady presence on top of that. (...And occasionally an idiot, but no one was perfect.)]

[In hindsight, Kakyoin had no idea how any of them had gotten by in this city as long as they had without him.]

So what kind of music does Buccellati like? I've heard a little about Giorno's taste, but I don't think the subject's come up with anyone else.

From:

silvercrusader

Jazz. Miles Davis, specifically, which . . . [He wrinkled his nose. There's a lot implied in that expression.] I mean, he likes it, so. It was a good night.

From:

lapidarius

That's not that bad. That's more or less in line with what I might expect from him, actually.

From:

silvercrusader

I don't think it's bad music. I just don't like it. You oughta be proud; I kept silent nearly the entire time we listened to it.

From:

lapidarius

You poor, long-suffering martyr.

[you two...]

So what do you like, then?

From:

silvercrusader

[He nods emphatically. It was awful for him, Kakyoin, thanks for noticing.]

Energetic stuff, you know? Anything with a good beat. The Stones, if you want a band, but I usually like whatever loud and playing on the radio.

From:

lapidarius

Yeah, they're alright. [Kakyoin shrugged, hands in his pockets.] I'm not usually that interested in louder stuff, but it's fine once in a while.

From:

silvercrusader

Yeah? So what do you like? And--

[He leaned over, elbowing him gently.]

You gotta come to Egress with me at least once. 'S the only time I'm ever gonna get to go dancing with you.

From:

lapidarius

I'm really not the type to do something like that. I barely know how to dance at all. [He laughed awkwardly, shrugging his shoulders.]

As for music, I actually really like Sting. [said almost no one ever]