[There's a blank spot in Kakyoin's life, a yawning void of horror that he will never, ever get back. Not just for a moment, or an hour, or a day-- there are months of his life that were taken from him where someone else spoke with his mouth and killed with his hands. It's ghastly. As someone who has experienced it, who knows exactly how horrifying it is and has a (by and large) functioning sense of right and wrong, it's completely understandable why Kakyoin is afraid of it.]
Then don't be. Just because you have the ability to steal someone's life doesn't mean it's inevitable that you will, or that you have to use your power in that way. Your ability is a tool. A frightening one, yes, and one that would be easy to abuse-- but even outside of what you just told me, not one that I believe you would use in such an evil way.
What happened to you was terrible. But because of that experience, you have a unique perspective on what it's like. If you choose to use this ability, or learn to master it, you would be able to wield it while thinking first and foremost about the people you control.
[He pauses, considering.] Not that I think you're in the wrong for not wanting to use it. I don't think anyone could fault you for that.
[It couldn't be so simple as to keep coming down to whether or not to use it, to how to hold oneself accountable and draw rigid lines that couldn't be crossed. There was no way it was that simple. And if it was such good advice (which Kakyoin knew it was) why didn't he feel any better about it?]
I think...more than figuring out what to do with this, I just...
[What was the real problem here? Kakyoin hesitated, Hierophant pulling off of him to form over his shoulder, arms draped loosely around his neck.]
...want to understand why. I don't hate or fear Hierophant for what we can do, I just...want to know why this is part of myself.
[Beyond the empathy Fugo feels for Kakyoin, he can't help but feel fascinated by the way Kakyoin and Hierophant move together. When he's uncertain, Kakyoin reaches to hold himself; when that's not enough, Hierophant appears to reassure him. It reminds him, in some ways, of Trish and Spice Girl, or Giorno and Gold Experience-- but unlike Giorno, Kakyoin acknowledges and accepts the comfort offered by his reflection.]
I have a few thoughts, if you'd like to hear them. [He doesn't want to presume, or push. At the end of the day, Fugo is still getting to know Kakyoin and doesn't want to make him feel uncomfortable with an unsolicited analysis of what his Stand's abilities say about him.]
[It was just natural at this point, and had been so for a long time. For nearly as long as Kakyoin could remember, the only one who had ever been able to offer comfort and companionship was...himself. It was always Hierophant who responded to the conscious thoughts of loneliness and uncertainty with an armored hand in Kakyoin's, with ribbonlike coils that tangled around him or arms as cool as solid stone that reached around his shoulders.]
[What Fugo saw now was barely different from a child hugging his knees to his chest to shield himself from some unspoken and intangible fear.]
I worry I may have overstepped my boundaries in bringing you into this, so the least I can do is hear out whatever you might have to say.
When I first came here, Giorno described Hierophant to me as the perfect compliment to Star Platinum. [Fugo unfolds his hands again, one finger on each hand.] Range and tactics vs. speed and precision. Specifically, he described Hierophant as being mutable, sneaky, and deceptively deadly. He called you a genius and said that was reflected in the flexible nature of your Stand and I'm inclined to agree with him.
Hierophant's primary abilities are deceptively simple: the ability to create emeralds and unwind himself into coils, reaching a length of fifty meters. You're able to observe, communicate, and fight within a very large range. [Fugo brings one hand up to cover his mouth while he thinks.] If I had to describe Hierophant Green in a sentence, it would be as a long-range Stand whose primary specialty is gathering information, taking down threats, and manipulating the environment from a distance.
For how that reflects on you, it gives me the impression that you are a cautious person who doesn't necessarily feel comfortable around others. You prefer to observe from a distance. While you might not necessarily start a fight, you will almost certainly be the one to finish it. While you prefer to go into things with a plan, you're creative and flexible; you aren't afraid to change it based on unexpected circumstances.
So where does the ability to take possession of someone else's body and thoughts fit into that? [His brow furrows and he frowns, staring intently at Kakyoin and Hierophant.] If it were your only ability, I would say that implies you are uncomfortable around people whose behavior you cannot predict or that you want absolute control of the environment around you. But I don't think that interpretation lines up with the other conclusions about your abilities. The desire for complete control is extremely inflexible. It doesn't fit.
[He leans back in his chair and taps his elbow with his other hand, thinking back again to the conversation he had with Giorno.] Back then, Giorno described Hierophant as "shy," but immediately followed that with the statement that he liked "to be a part of things". Given what I've observed when the two of you are together, I think that's very apt.
So perhaps the most succinct way to describe how Hierophant's abilities reflect on you, personally, is that you feel distanced from the people around you. Despite that, you want to know more about them-- moreover, you want to "connect" with them.
[It was true, every single word. Hierophant and Star were perfect compliments just like their users, but that was the obvious part. Kakyoin visibly began to turn tense and a little unsettled as Fugo continued on--was this what it felt like when he tried to evaluate someone else based on their Stands?]
['It just feels wrong. Like everyone can see all the parts of me I don't want seen. What makes me happy, even when it shouldn't, and...all the parts of me that are too young and vulnerable and desperate.']
[It was uncomfortable because it was all exactly true, even moving into territory he hadn't even thought relevant. He turned pale at the other's estimation of being distant from others; Hierophant's arms tightened around him as a silent and perhaps unconscious need to remain grounded and aware of the situation rather than sliding into thoughts of loneliness and self-hatred. Whatever the reason for the Stand's motion, its user didn't dare break eye contact with Fugo.]
['Because being a Stand user means having everything about us visible--what we like as well as hate, what we want people to see and what we'd do anything to hide.']
You're...right.
[It wasn't 'Noriaki' that Fugo was describing anymore, though there was no possible way he could have known that.]
...you think that I developed this power because... [The words came out hesitant but not argumentative, Kakyoin himself the picture of one struggling to appear calm despite a shaken foundation.] ...because I was lonely? Because I wanted people to--
[-to understand me, and whatever color was in Kakyoin's face drained out of it. Hierophant was his thoughts, his feelings, his desires. The desires of a child who couldn't be understood, who grew up alone through his own stubborn insistence no matter how much he wanted to connect with and get along with other people. Hierophant was the reflection of a child that just wanted--]
[Let's be friends, Kakyoin.]
[He didn't know if the clear explanation made it better or worse in the long run, but Kakyoin did know he felt like the floor had just been ripped out from under him.]
[It feels strangely awful, watching Kakyoin listen to him think aloud and to hear, at the end of it, you're right. Fugo rarely allows himself to think aloud: he has so many thoughts, not all of them pleasant. Not all of it is new, but this is the first time he's brought together all the bits and pieces of what he's observed and what he's been told about Kakyoin and his Hierophant. Kakyoin looks so pained and pale and, briefly, Fugo wonders if it would have been better to just keep quiet, or if he should have said something else entirely.]
I-- think it's a viable possibility. Given what I've seen and what I've been told about your behavior. [In the end, Fugo is the one to break eye contact before Kakyoin. His hands drop down his lap. Although he tries to keep them still by folding them, he finds himself nervously fiddling with his thumbs. Should he apologize? Kakyoin was worrying so much about overstepping boundaries, but all he did was ask a question.]
[Were Hierophant more of a Stand with its own conscious will, the way it was clinging to Kakyoin might have been seen as a silent apology to its user. But it wasn't, and if it was an apology it was one from Kakyoin to the people he cared about--I'm sorry for the way that I am. For the tone in Polnareff's voice when he'd confessed to having this power, for how he'd kept Jotaro up at night so many times this past week worrying over his stupid fears and nightmares, for whatever actually became of that school nurse and the kid who'd been stabbed with a pen. It had all been his fault, more than Kakyoin had already accepted it was.]
[He took a slow, careful breath to refocus, exactly as Caesar had taught him--god, Caesar didn't know. What would he say, would he look at Kakyoin like he was some kind of monster-]
['Family is first and forever, Noriaki.']
[...What was he thinking? Had he really done anything wrong here? If Fugo was right, then Kakyoin Tenmei and Hierophant Green's only crime was being a child who desperately wanted friends that understood him, and falling in with the wrong one once upon a time in Cairo.]
['You aren't the same as whatever monster is haunting your nightmares, Kakyoin.']
[He'd insisted to himself a thousand times over that the Dio in this city hadn't done anything yet. That he wasn't the same as that nightmare for it, and maybe he wouldn't be if he were given a chance--it wasn't his fault and he shouldn't be held accountable for it.]
[It wasn't his fault.]
['You've never used your Stand to hurt anyone who wasn't already trying to hurt you. I know you haven't, and I know you won't.']
['Evil is when you use the weak for your own gain and crush them under your foot', right? He still remembered that vividly in the blank spaces that were the months up to that day, and it was no less true now. Fugo was right about another thing--he was afraid of that power. That was 'evil' by definition. Kakyoin hadn't used it to take over anyone else's mind, and he never would again for exactly that reason.]
I- [He realized the silence had stretched on a little too long, and lowered a hand that had started mindlessly twisting in his hair at some point.] ...wanted friends. You're exactly right--I was never able to close that distance when I was a child, because no one fit what I saw as the criteria required for a person to understand me. Whenever we may have developed this ability in response to that--which I don't doubt may well have been the case--I never knew about it until I'd been mind controlled myself.
[And yet here he was now; in a house full of his dearest friends and people he called 'family'. People who finally saw Kakyoin for the person he and Hierophant were together, and knew that was someone worth caring about.]
['You don't have to earn that. You don't have to fight to keep it. It's already yours, no matter what.']
[He wondered what that lonely child would have thought, to know this would be his future.]
...damn, if this is what it feels like to have someone evaluate you based on your Stand then I need to be a little more careful. I never realized how strange it really felt to have someone else look at Hierophant similar to the way I do. [A small, awkward smile broke out across his face, silently assuring Fugo that he hadn't gone too far or crossed any line.]
[Kakyoin is quiet for a long time. Longer than he should be, even given what they're talking about. Fugo furtively looks up at him, around his bangs, and bites the inside of his lip. Kakyoin is staring without seeing at an empty spot on the table, eyes wide and dazed; his long fingers are twisted in his hair, just as tangled as his own thoughts and feelings must be. Hierophant is clinging tightly to his shoulders, as if that's the only thing keeping him grounded. He looks overwhelmed. Lost, in the past. Briefly, Fugo wonders: is this what it looks like? Is this what Giorno saw across the table in November and standing in front of mansion at the end of June? He knows, too well, what it's like to suddenly feel unsteady in the face overwhelmingly strong emotions. But what he doesn't know is what to do when it's someone else who stumbles, even more since it's not Giorno.
What should he do? Does he call out for Kakyoin? Or would it be better to get someone Kakyoin trusts, someone who can reach out to him and who he can lean on? Fugo is close to rising to his feet to just that when something in Kakyoin's eyes snaps back to the present, he begins to speak, and his hand slowly drops from his hair. Lines of tension in Fugo's shoulders that he didn't even realize had bunched up abruptly relax; his hands, tightly folded in his lap, loosen enough so that they're no longer white-knuckled. He listens carefully, still obviously and plainly worried, and manages one of his strange, nervous-looking smiles in response to his attempt at... humor? Lightening the mood?]
Sorry. I suppose I had more than a few thoughts, in hindsight. [He pauses, eyes shifting restlessly and thumbs twiddling nervously, before carefully venturing:] Are... you going to be all right?
You don't have to apologize. I should have given you a chance to-- [He cuts himself, pressing his lips together, before sighing.] I don't know, have some space to think. Instead of just rambling on like that.
[It's kind of late, so he didn't stop to think. He might be a little tired, because insomnia is actually the worst.]
Thanks? I just think too much. [All the time. About everything.]
It can be. [He can admit to that much, at least. Because for as much as it bogs him down, from day-to-day life to decisions that change his life, there are just as many times when it's provided valuable insight. There's a phrase in English, he thinks, that describes something that's both a benefit and a detriment, but it's not coming to mind right now.] But I'm relieved to hear that, tonight at least, it was helpful to you.
[Despite his too-long moment of shutting down, in a way, Kakyoin already seems a little more sure of himself. As if he's finally set his hands on something he was looking for, after stumbling around in the dark with his eyes closed.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
no subject
Then don't be. Just because you have the ability to steal someone's life doesn't mean it's inevitable that you will, or that you have to use your power in that way. Your ability is a tool. A frightening one, yes, and one that would be easy to abuse-- but even outside of what you just told me, not one that I believe you would use in such an evil way.
What happened to you was terrible. But because of that experience, you have a unique perspective on what it's like. If you choose to use this ability, or learn to master it, you would be able to wield it while thinking first and foremost about the people you control.
[He pauses, considering.] Not that I think you're in the wrong for not wanting to use it. I don't think anyone could fault you for that.
no subject
I think...more than figuring out what to do with this, I just...
[What was the real problem here? Kakyoin hesitated, Hierophant pulling off of him to form over his shoulder, arms draped loosely around his neck.]
...want to understand why. I don't hate or fear Hierophant for what we can do, I just...want to know why this is part of myself.
no subject
I have a few thoughts, if you'd like to hear them. [He doesn't want to presume, or push. At the end of the day, Fugo is still getting to know Kakyoin and doesn't want to make him feel uncomfortable with an unsolicited analysis of what his Stand's abilities say about him.]
no subject
[It was just natural at this point, and had been so for a long time. For nearly as long as Kakyoin could remember, the only one who had ever been able to offer comfort and companionship was...himself. It was always Hierophant who responded to the conscious thoughts of loneliness and uncertainty with an armored hand in Kakyoin's, with ribbonlike coils that tangled around him or arms as cool as solid stone that reached around his shoulders.]
[What Fugo saw now was barely different from a child hugging his knees to his chest to shield himself from some unspoken and intangible fear.]
I worry I may have overstepped my boundaries in bringing you into this, so the least I can do is hear out whatever you might have to say.
no subject
Hierophant's primary abilities are deceptively simple: the ability to create emeralds and unwind himself into coils, reaching a length of fifty meters. You're able to observe, communicate, and fight within a very large range. [Fugo brings one hand up to cover his mouth while he thinks.] If I had to describe Hierophant Green in a sentence, it would be as a long-range Stand whose primary specialty is gathering information, taking down threats, and manipulating the environment from a distance.
For how that reflects on you, it gives me the impression that you are a cautious person who doesn't necessarily feel comfortable around others. You prefer to observe from a distance. While you might not necessarily start a fight, you will almost certainly be the one to finish it. While you prefer to go into things with a plan, you're creative and flexible; you aren't afraid to change it based on unexpected circumstances.
So where does the ability to take possession of someone else's body and thoughts fit into that? [His brow furrows and he frowns, staring intently at Kakyoin and Hierophant.] If it were your only ability, I would say that implies you are uncomfortable around people whose behavior you cannot predict or that you want absolute control of the environment around you. But I don't think that interpretation lines up with the other conclusions about your abilities. The desire for complete control is extremely inflexible. It doesn't fit.
[He leans back in his chair and taps his elbow with his other hand, thinking back again to the conversation he had with Giorno.] Back then, Giorno described Hierophant as "shy," but immediately followed that with the statement that he liked "to be a part of things". Given what I've observed when the two of you are together, I think that's very apt.
So perhaps the most succinct way to describe how Hierophant's abilities reflect on you, personally, is that you feel distanced from the people around you. Despite that, you want to know more about them-- moreover, you want to "connect" with them.
no subject
[It was true, every single word. Hierophant and Star were perfect compliments just like their users, but that was the obvious part. Kakyoin visibly began to turn tense and a little unsettled as Fugo continued on--was this what it felt like when he tried to evaluate someone else based on their Stands?]
['It just feels wrong. Like everyone can see all the parts of me I don't want seen. What makes me happy, even when it shouldn't, and...all the parts of me that are too young and vulnerable and desperate.']
[It was uncomfortable because it was all exactly true, even moving into territory he hadn't even thought relevant. He turned pale at the other's estimation of being distant from others; Hierophant's arms tightened around him as a silent and perhaps unconscious need to remain grounded and aware of the situation rather than sliding into thoughts of loneliness and self-hatred. Whatever the reason for the Stand's motion, its user didn't dare break eye contact with Fugo.]
['Because being a Stand user means having everything about us visible--what we like as well as hate, what we want people to see and what we'd do anything to hide.']
You're...right.
[It wasn't 'Noriaki' that Fugo was describing anymore, though there was no possible way he could have known that.]
...you think that I developed this power because... [The words came out hesitant but not argumentative, Kakyoin himself the picture of one struggling to appear calm despite a shaken foundation.] ...because I was lonely? Because I wanted people to--
[-to understand me, and whatever color was in Kakyoin's face drained out of it. Hierophant was his thoughts, his feelings, his desires. The desires of a child who couldn't be understood, who grew up alone through his own stubborn insistence no matter how much he wanted to connect with and get along with other people. Hierophant was the reflection of a child that just wanted--]
[Let's be friends, Kakyoin.]
[He didn't know if the clear explanation made it better or worse in the long run, but Kakyoin did know he felt like the floor had just been ripped out from under him.]
no subject
I-- think it's a viable possibility. Given what I've seen and what I've been told about your behavior. [In the end, Fugo is the one to break eye contact before Kakyoin. His hands drop down his lap. Although he tries to keep them still by folding them, he finds himself nervously fiddling with his thumbs. Should he apologize? Kakyoin was worrying so much about overstepping boundaries, but all he did was ask a question.]
no subject
[He took a slow, careful breath to refocus, exactly as Caesar had taught him--god, Caesar didn't know. What would he say, would he look at Kakyoin like he was some kind of monster-]
['Family is first and forever, Noriaki.']
[...What was he thinking? Had he really done anything wrong here? If Fugo was right, then Kakyoin Tenmei and Hierophant Green's only crime was being a child who desperately wanted friends that understood him, and falling in with the wrong one once upon a time in Cairo.]
['You aren't the same as whatever monster is haunting your nightmares, Kakyoin.']
[He'd insisted to himself a thousand times over that the Dio in this city hadn't done anything yet. That he wasn't the same as that nightmare for it, and maybe he wouldn't be if he were given a chance--it wasn't his fault and he shouldn't be held accountable for it.]
[It wasn't his fault.]
['You've never used your Stand to hurt anyone who wasn't already trying to hurt you. I know you haven't, and I know you won't.']
['Evil is when you use the weak for your own gain and crush them under your foot', right? He still remembered that vividly in the blank spaces that were the months up to that day, and it was no less true now. Fugo was right about another thing--he was afraid of that power. That was 'evil' by definition. Kakyoin hadn't used it to take over anyone else's mind, and he never would again for exactly that reason.]
I- [He realized the silence had stretched on a little too long, and lowered a hand that had started mindlessly twisting in his hair at some point.] ...wanted friends. You're exactly right--I was never able to close that distance when I was a child, because no one fit what I saw as the criteria required for a person to understand me. Whenever we may have developed this ability in response to that--which I don't doubt may well have been the case--I never knew about it until I'd been mind controlled myself.
[And yet here he was now; in a house full of his dearest friends and people he called 'family'. People who finally saw Kakyoin for the person he and Hierophant were together, and knew that was someone worth caring about.]
['You don't have to earn that. You don't have to fight to keep it. It's already yours, no matter what.']
[He wondered what that lonely child would have thought, to know this would be his future.]
...damn, if this is what it feels like to have someone evaluate you based on your Stand then I need to be a little more careful. I never realized how strange it really felt to have someone else look at Hierophant similar to the way I do. [A small, awkward smile broke out across his face, silently assuring Fugo that he hadn't gone too far or crossed any line.]
no subject
What should he do? Does he call out for Kakyoin? Or would it be better to get someone Kakyoin trusts, someone who can reach out to him and who he can lean on? Fugo is close to rising to his feet to just that when something in Kakyoin's eyes snaps back to the present, he begins to speak, and his hand slowly drops from his hair. Lines of tension in Fugo's shoulders that he didn't even realize had bunched up abruptly relax; his hands, tightly folded in his lap, loosen enough so that they're no longer white-knuckled. He listens carefully, still obviously and plainly worried, and manages one of his strange, nervous-looking smiles in response to his attempt at... humor? Lightening the mood?]
Sorry. I suppose I had more than a few thoughts, in hindsight. [He pauses, eyes shifting restlessly and thumbs twiddling nervously, before carefully venturing:] Are... you going to be all right?
no subject
[The awkward atmosphere was pretty obvious once he'd snapped out of his own thoughts, and he made an attempt to laugh it off quietly.]
Your talent for insight really is something impressive, Fugo. It caught me off guard for a minute or two.
no subject
[It's kind of late, so he didn't stop to think. He might be a little tired, because insomnia is actually the worst.]
Thanks? I just think too much. [All the time. About everything.]
no subject
I find 'thinking too much' can be a valuable thing in its own way.
no subject
[Despite his too-long moment of shutting down, in a way, Kakyoin already seems a little more sure of himself. As if he's finally set his hands on something he was looking for, after stumbling around in the dark with his eyes closed.]