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[lapidarius]

"This is Kakyoin Noriaki. Please leave a message, I'll contact you as soon as I can."

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Comments

[lapidarius]

what

how does th

i'm going to break his goddamn legs

HOW IS HE STUCK IN A TURTLE

no

no never mind

this is exactly the kind of shit that happens when we lookaway from polnareff for two minutes

[digiorno]

DON'T BREAK POLNAREFF'S LEGS HE NEEDS THOSE

[lapidarius]

I'M GOING TO BREAK JOJO'S LEGS FOR NOT TELLING ME

YOU CAN FIX IT WHAT'S THE PROBLEM

[digiorno]

you can break jotaro's legs but you can't break polnareff's because he's my new favorite

he gave me a hug and he's going to cook with me

[lapidarius]

i am not going to break polnareff's legs

just punch him a little, probably.

[digiorno]

okaaaaaaaaay

he's a very NICE turtle

i mean he's not really a turtle, he just lives in the turtle because of circumstances, but the turtle he lives in is lovely

does that help

[lapidarius]

kind of?

please explain whatever you can about how he ended up living in a turtle

that's somewhat confusing me at the moment

[digiorno]

oh um

well first of all the turtle has a stand

[lapidarius]

that is not the first animal i have seen with one, trust me

what else

[digiorno]

right well

you remember diavolo

he stabbed the turtle with the arrow (because he was an asshole) and then it had a little stand? a little room in his back, that's where we hid trish when the assassins came

and so at one point polnareff swapped souls with the turtle

[lapidarius]

giorno

there was a time when i thought an orangutan, an actual infant, the sun, and a cowboy with a spectral pistol were all the strangest things i'd ever see

you just beat all of them in three sentences.

1/2

[digiorno]

yaaaaaaay do i get a prize

2/2

[digiorno]

WAIT WHO HAS A SPECTRAL PISTOL

I HATE HIM

[lapidarius]

[....gio, sweetheart]

Remember the story about how I almost broke Polnareff's nose in Calcutta? That's one of the Stand users we were running from.

You'll hate it even more when I tell you how useless it was. I would never be undeservedly cruel about anyone's Stand, but its user was just too stupid to utilize it.

Mista's is much cooler, anyway.

[digiorno]

what an objectively correct fact that is

i still hate him though that's just how it's going to be

[lapidarius]

I won't stop you. He pretty much deserved it.

[isn't it sad, hol horse.]

[digiorno]

all right good

now that that's cleared up do you want to know the rest

the rest is pretty sad

which is why i was going to have jotaro tell you but whatever!!

[lapidarius]

I'm listening. And I won't tell Polnareff.

I'm aware we just got through another disaster about why hiding things is a bad goddamn idea, but it's Polnareff. He'll manage.

[digiorno]

his body died

which means chariot died too and that he was stuck in the turtle

his soul or whatever

the polnareffest part

[lapidarius]

[Kakyoin didn't answer for at least a full minute.]

[Mostly because he was trying to sort through how absolutely fucking terrifying that concept was.]

how does that

stands can't just DIE, giorno, if his soul's still around then

chariot should

what the hell

[digiorno]

i know

i don't understand

it was awful though it was the worst day of my life

if i'd gotten to his body quickly enough i could've helped him but i just didn't

that was one of the things i always wanted to fix but i hadn't found a way how to yet

it doesn't matter if he's here though because i'm going to make sure that never happens

[lapidarius]

it's okay

i mean it's really fucked up, but it's going to be okay. i'll do whatever i can to protect him too.

[...]

...Don't tell him I said that. I'll never hear the end of it.

[digiorno]

god you and jotaro are both so weirdly emotionally constipated

but that's fine i will just hug him forever and tell him how great he is and be his favorite i don't mind

[lapidarius]

I just don't need him trying to break my spine by hugging me again. That kind of hurts after a while.

[digiorno]

HE GIVES NICE HUGS WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU

HE PICKED ME ALL THE WAY UP OFF THE GROUND