[He shifted, leaning over to rest his chin atop Kakyoin's head, nestled in soft red hair.]
I want you to be able to believe me, I want you to know the way I feel about things, too. I...need you to show me how to do that.
[He took a slow breath, letting it out again as he held Kakyoin a little tighter.]
If I might need to say things more than once, that's okay. Just tell me, so I know. Because when I don't know, it feels like...you ask me to say it again and I don't know why. I don't understand what was wrong with it the first time.
That's not your fault. I just need to understand, and I don't. So help me...?
...I don't think there was anything wrong with it. And it's not...it's not that I don't trust you or don't believe you.
[Kakyoin held him a little tighter once Jotaro had done the same, only just stopping himself from outright clinging.]
It's myself that I end up doubting at times like this. I worry that I'm not worth the effort and time put into things like this, or that I'll make a mistake and ruin the whole thing beyond repair. I ask you to repeat yourself because I...need to know that you're sure. I need to give you the chance to reconsider the situation, just to be certain this is what you want, too.
...it's stupid. I know. I'm sorry--it's not your fault that I end up thinking like that.
There are some promises I can't make. Ones I won't, because I can't risk not being able to keep them. But if I do ever leave you alone, it won't be by choice.
[He paused, silent a moment.]
And if it's not by choice, then you'd better come after me, because I'll be fighting on the other side to get back to you.
You know that I will. If anything like that happens, I won't give up until we manage to fix it. [That time Kakyoin didn't stop himself from holding on like his life depended on it, clutching the fabric of Jotaro's shirt without thinking.]
I can't...promise that I'll be able to go back. You know that, and so do I. But I have to believe that it's possible, because I don't-...
[Trailing off, Kakyoin reconsidered what he was about to say and forced back the quiet statement of I don't want to die. There was no need to make it worse, as tangled in guilt and pain on both sides as the matter already was.]
[But after a few seconds, he hid his face against Jotaro's shoulder and kept speaking quietly.]
...I want to go home. I want to tell my parents how much I screwed up and ask them to forgive me for it. I just...want to figure out how to have as normal of a life as people like us can. And I'm worried out of my mind that I might not get a chance to do any of that.
...With the way people have been showing up here, I don't think it's just coincidence anymore. I think something got screwed up, and that's why we're all...flooding in, from different times and places like that.
[But that didn't actually answer much of anything; it was just a thought, floating idly in the quiet.]
If we go home, together...what do you want to do? That normal life, how do you want it to start?
[There was a long silence in which Kakyoin didn't answer. He wasn't even sure what normal was, much less where to start with it.]
I...want to try and explain this to my parents. Hierophant and Egypt at the absolute minimum, if they'll even believe me. That should be the first thing I do when I get back. Maybe send flowers or something to that nurse I screwed up, or check in on that kid that took a pen to the eye.
...So I guess 'damage control' is the best way to summarize the answer to that.
...I think I want to go to university. For marine biology, or wildlife conservation or something. Something where I can work outside, maybe by the water. Helping animals.
[...]
So I guess that means going back to school and graduating, and...
I'd like something to that effect too. Studying art or maybe geology, I don't really know which. But you'd still graduate a year before me...that'd probably be an annoyance as far as seeing each other goes, huh?
Relax. I know you're not the kind of person that would find a way to let someone down easily. You're too straightforward for that, and I think I prefer it that way--if I was going to be rejected, you'd have done it by now.
[...]
I didn't make things too awkward by kissing you out of nowhere like that, did I?
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2015-10-08 03:00 am (UTC)[He shifted, leaning over to rest his chin atop Kakyoin's head, nestled in soft red hair.]
I want you to be able to believe me, I want you to know the way I feel about things, too. I...need you to show me how to do that.
[He took a slow breath, letting it out again as he held Kakyoin a little tighter.]
If I might need to say things more than once, that's okay. Just tell me, so I know. Because when I don't know, it feels like...you ask me to say it again and I don't know why. I don't understand what was wrong with it the first time.
That's not your fault. I just need to understand, and I don't. So help me...?
no subject
Date: 2015-10-08 03:14 am (UTC)[Kakyoin held him a little tighter once Jotaro had done the same, only just stopping himself from outright clinging.]
It's myself that I end up doubting at times like this. I worry that I'm not worth the effort and time put into things like this, or that I'll make a mistake and ruin the whole thing beyond repair. I ask you to repeat yourself because I...need to know that you're sure. I need to give you the chance to reconsider the situation, just to be certain this is what you want, too.
...it's stupid. I know. I'm sorry--it's not your fault that I end up thinking like that.
no subject
Date: 2015-10-08 03:39 am (UTC)[...]
There are some promises I can't make. Ones I won't, because I can't risk not being able to keep them. But if I do ever leave you alone, it won't be by choice.
[He paused, silent a moment.]
And if it's not by choice, then you'd better come after me, because I'll be fighting on the other side to get back to you.
no subject
Date: 2015-10-08 03:53 am (UTC)I can't...promise that I'll be able to go back. You know that, and so do I. But I have to believe that it's possible, because I don't-...
[Trailing off, Kakyoin reconsidered what he was about to say and forced back the quiet statement of I don't want to die. There was no need to make it worse, as tangled in guilt and pain on both sides as the matter already was.]
[But after a few seconds, he hid his face against Jotaro's shoulder and kept speaking quietly.]
...I want to go home. I want to tell my parents how much I screwed up and ask them to forgive me for it. I just...want to figure out how to have as normal of a life as people like us can. And I'm worried out of my mind that I might not get a chance to do any of that.
no subject
Date: 2015-10-08 04:21 am (UTC)[But that didn't actually answer much of anything; it was just a thought, floating idly in the quiet.]
If we go home, together...what do you want to do? That normal life, how do you want it to start?
no subject
Date: 2015-10-08 04:29 am (UTC)I...want to try and explain this to my parents. Hierophant and Egypt at the absolute minimum, if they'll even believe me. That should be the first thing I do when I get back. Maybe send flowers or something to that nurse I screwed up, or check in on that kid that took a pen to the eye.
...So I guess 'damage control' is the best way to summarize the answer to that.
no subject
Date: 2015-10-08 04:37 am (UTC)Have you thought about that?
no subject
Date: 2015-10-08 04:40 am (UTC)[...]
What do you think about it?
no subject
Date: 2015-10-08 05:26 am (UTC)[...]
So I guess that means going back to school and graduating, and...
no subject
Date: 2015-10-08 05:33 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-10-08 06:00 am (UTC)...It's not something we couldn't work out.
no subject
Date: 2015-10-08 06:03 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-10-09 02:25 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-10-09 03:05 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-10-09 03:21 am (UTC)[...]
I'm sorry I'm taking so long. I haven't forgotten about what I said, I'm just...
It's not because of you or anything, okay? It's me. I promise.
no subject
Date: 2015-10-09 03:27 am (UTC)[...]
I didn't make things too awkward by kissing you out of nowhere like that, did I?
no subject
Date: 2015-10-09 03:39 am (UTC)[Speaking of being straightforward — but even as he said it, he was hugging Kakyoin a little tighter, as implicit reassurance.]
Not too awkward. But a little.
no subject
Date: 2015-10-09 03:40 am (UTC)[...]
I wasn't going to apologize for it, either way.
no subject
Date: 2015-10-09 03:41 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-10-09 03:42 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-10-09 03:43 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-10-09 03:46 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-10-09 03:47 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-10-09 03:51 am (UTC). . .
[Apparently, Kakyoin hadn't expected that.]
O-oh.
no subject
Date: 2015-10-09 04:03 am (UTC)You remember when I pulled Hierophant out of that nurse, right?
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