I usually end up drawing, myself. I've never tried to play an instrument before.
[Kakyoin frowned slightly at the chain and wire as he spoke--it seemed a little silly to use buttons as makeshift charms. He could do much better than that. Of course he had no idea if Fugo cared much for green, but...honestly. If Giorno caught him with buttons hanging from his ears neither of them would hear the end of it.]
[Coming to an apparent conclusion, he let Hierophant's hands manifest over his own and formed a small strawberry made of emerald on the end of the chain.]
[In Fugo's defense, despite being an incredibly tacky person, he had no intention of actually wearing buttons from his ears. He wasn't expecting to actually make earrings tonight; they were just something he had on hand (because they reminded him of Giorno's somewhat silly self-descriptor of gang-star) that he could pass off to Kakyoin, so he could see an example of Kakyoin's technique.
To say that he's surprised by Hierophant is an understatement. Whatever remark Fugo might have had about drawing or music is forgotten; even his hands still, caught in a pose of mid-tapping over the table. He watches, plainly fascinated, as the tiny emerald takes shape between Kakyoin's hands.]
What delicate work... [He blinks, before Kakyoin's question registers.] Ah, it looks-- nice.
[Kakyoin broke out into an awkward smile, Hierophant still over his own hands like a pair of translucent gloves.]
Thanks. I've gotten a lot more precise with that since I've been here--that's the other thing I do when I'm really bored, or just need to take my mind off something.
[His eyes drifted from the earring to Hierophant's hands, expression turning distant--this was okay, right? It wasn't that he blamed himself or Hierophant for the way that they were and the abilities they had...it was what it was. His Stand was his reflection, and perhaps if he thought too hard about it that may have been the core of the issue. They had the power to create something beautiful out of thin air, and also the power to do something destructive and unthinkable.]
[Kakyoin had spent so much time in this city fascinated with other Stands that he'd never stopped to apply the same analytical eye to himself.]
Fugo-
[...Maybe Fugo of all people would understand. More than Jotaro with the power to stop time, Fugo's own Stand was...well, Purple Haze was Purple Haze.]
Sorry--this is weird and you're welcome to say no at any point, but could I...ask you something personal?
Edited (i typoed everything) Date: 2016-08-25 06:32 am (UTC)
[Fugo's seen Bruno do something similar, when he's needed a zipper for whatever reason but not the rest of Sticky Fingers. But this is different, somehow. Perhaps it's because Kakyoin is making such a small, detailed shape that makes this process so much more interesting. This level of precision and exactness is something that's impossible for him with Purple Haze; Purple Haze is either in him or he's outside of him, in all of his snarling, vicious awfulness.
Kakyoin's question catches him a little off-guard, although he recovers quickly. Fugo shifts back in his chair, dropping his feet from the bottom rung and scooting it closer to the table. Instead of resuming his finger tapping, Fugo folds his hands in front of him and focuses his near-complete attention on Kakyoin's face.]
Go ahead. [He's a little cautious about what Kakyoin might ask. "Something personal" is a broad descriptor; it could be anything. But there's no harm in at least hearing him out.]
[How was he going to approach this? He'd have to come clean about his Stand's power, which...actually didn't bother him when to came to Fugo.]
My Hierophant's main uses are in scouting and creating emeralds--usually as projectiles. But that isn't...that isn't our real power. What my Stand can really do is something only two people in this house really comprehend as the nightmare it is.
[Restlessly, fingers still covered by green and silver curled into a loose fist and uncurled again.]
We can...reach under someone's skin to run through their body and nervous system, controlling their body and even their mind to a limited extent. It's not something I've really used much or anything, but I-
[He leaned back in his chair to silently offer Fugo distance if he wanted, folding his and Hierophant's arms.]
...It bothers me. It has ever since I realized that was something I could do, and I'm having trouble finding someone to talk to that might really understand...how it feels to carry something like that. I was hoping Jotaro would, but...I don't know, it didn't go as well as I'd expected.
[Deep breath.]
Sorry if this is tactless or more than you want to talk about--you don't have to answer. I'm just...how do you handle it? Having an ability that just...isn't versatile, isn't positive, and just seems all around destructive.
[As Kakyoin speaks about his Hierophant and the real heart of their abilities, Fugo's demeanor and the way he holds himself slowly shifts; he listens quietly and intently, without fidgeting, with steepled fingers and a flinty look in his eyes. He's not angry, nor is he judgmental of Kakyoin's ability or seem to be afraid or taken aback by it; rather, he's serious to the point of being almost intimidating. This isn't the Fugo Kakyoin has come to know, reserved and nervous and a little awkward, who is interested in learning how to make earrings--he looks more like Fugo Kakyoin first met, sharp and dangerous, although without the wariness and on-edge body language of someone backed into a corner who is used to and ready to kill to get out of it.
He is quiet and still, even after Kakyoin is finished. He presses his lips into a thin line while he considers, both what he wants to say and what he thinks of what Hierophant is capable of.]
When I was thirteen, [he begins, his tone cool and calm,] I was placed under arrest for assaulting one of my professors at Università di Bologna. He said something that made me very angry, so I picked up a dictionary and beat him with it until I was pulled off of him by campus security. I probably would have killed him if they hadn't intervened. I know he was hospitalized, but I'm not sure how well he recovered. I joined Passione shortly after, and it never really occurred to me to check up on him.
[There's no sense of regret or guilt attached to his words. They're just something that happened. That's just something he did, once, when he lost his temper.]
What I mean to say is that I have always had the capacity to be violent. Purple Haze is a reflection of that, among other things. [Purple Haze is a Stand whose power comes from hatred, anger, and fear. He's an awful, frightening Stand and Fugo worries every day about keeping him in check, controlling his temper, and making sure he doesn't hurt the people he cares about. He's not always successful--but it's important for him to try.] The only thing Purple Haze and I can do together is kill people. No matter how much or how little control I have over him, nothing will change the nature of the virus.
I suppose one way of looking at it is that, no matter what I do, there's no real way of changing what sort of person I am at the heart of things.
[Briefly, the sharpness in his eyes clouds over as he thinks of the way Giorno smiled at Purple Haze; how he pushed himself up on the tip of his toes to greet a nightmare like an old friend, the words he chose to describe Purple Haze's gleeful memory of killing Illuso. He's sweet, Giorno declared, for no reason other than Purple Haze remembered him.]
But, [he begins again, fingers tightening,] I don't think that's all there is to it. [Not anymore.] My capacity for violence and Purple Haze aren't the only things that I have to define myself by. As dangerous as Purple Haze is and what that says about me, I always have the power to choose how I apply my abilities. Not only that, but if I were a different sort of person I likely wouldn't have been able to survive what I have. If I didn't have Purple Haze, I wouldn't have been able to save someone very important to me.
When I think about it like that, it's a little easier to accept. [His expression softens.] In my opinion, there's no one ability of Hierophant that's more or less "real" than the others. They're all real, they're all a part of you. The ability to take control of someone else's body, or their thoughts-- it's a heavy weight to carry. And I don't think it would be an easy choice to make whether or not it's something you would make use of, even in dire circumstances.
[He pointedly does not say that he believes that Kakyoin would make the "right" choice. Because when it comes to survival, concepts like right and wrong are things that aren't part of the immediate decision-making process. They come later, when everything is said and done. Unfair as it is, that's just how the equation balances out.]
[Kakyoin didn't judge or even remark on Fugo's capacity for violence; he wasn't that different when things came down to it, though with much less of a hair trigger.]
No, you're right. Hierophant and I are the same; I wouldn't change him and I don't blame him or myself for the power we have. This is just the way that I am, whether I like that or not.
[He looked away, silver-green armored fingers clutching at his sleeves. Was it just going to come down to holding himself accountable and choosing how to apply a power like this again? That was good advice whether it came from Jotaro or Fugo, and yet...he just didn't feel any less frustrated about it.]
If I didn't have this power, I think we all would have died once. There was a Stand user that had us all cornered, and I was the only one able to fight it. If I hadn't stopped it moving, then--I don't know if I would have won against it.
[And wasn't it true that he'd thrown himself into Hamon training to make sure he had the option to do it to the one person that did deserve a fate like that? If the living nightmare ever became a reality, didn't his entire plan for how to deal with that hinge on Hierophant's ability?]
[Yes--but that just meant he wasn't afraid of dropping to Dio's level to fight him again.]
Even so...even knowing that, it's hard for me to think of that as anything useful. I feel like it's something hanging over my head, reminding me of the only other person with the ability to remove one's free will. Enemy or not, no one truly deserves that kind of thing.
[He listens and watches carefully, watching the way Kakyoin moves and the way he speaks. His words seem resolute, but his body language--the way his fingers, instinctively protected by Hierophant's, knot in his sleeves--tells another story entirely.]
Practically speaking, it has plenty of useful applications. [Ruthlessly practical, Fugo unfolds his hands to tick points off on his fingers.] It can be used to disable enemies. Take control of a vehicle if the driver is unconscious or otherwise disabled. Impart your skill set onto an ally. Guide others through dangerous situations that they might not have the mental or emotional fortitude to make it through by themselves.
But I don't think that's what you're talking about. [He folds his hands again, resting them on the face of the table. Again, there's no judgement following his next statement. It's just a fact, simple and easy for him to understand.] You're afraid of it.
[The fact that he'd never once thought of a single one of those applications--him, the genius and strategist--proved Fugo's point with no room for argument.]
Because it's happened to me. [Instead, the answer was quiet and even confirmation.] There are months of my life in which I don't know where I was, what I was doing, what I said, who I said it to, or how many people I killed.
I don't want to be the one to take all of that from anyone else. No one deserves to live through what's been done to me.
[There's a blank spot in Kakyoin's life, a yawning void of horror that he will never, ever get back. Not just for a moment, or an hour, or a day-- there are months of his life that were taken from him where someone else spoke with his mouth and killed with his hands. It's ghastly. As someone who has experienced it, who knows exactly how horrifying it is and has a (by and large) functioning sense of right and wrong, it's completely understandable why Kakyoin is afraid of it.]
Then don't be. Just because you have the ability to steal someone's life doesn't mean it's inevitable that you will, or that you have to use your power in that way. Your ability is a tool. A frightening one, yes, and one that would be easy to abuse-- but even outside of what you just told me, not one that I believe you would use in such an evil way.
What happened to you was terrible. But because of that experience, you have a unique perspective on what it's like. If you choose to use this ability, or learn to master it, you would be able to wield it while thinking first and foremost about the people you control.
[He pauses, considering.] Not that I think you're in the wrong for not wanting to use it. I don't think anyone could fault you for that.
[It couldn't be so simple as to keep coming down to whether or not to use it, to how to hold oneself accountable and draw rigid lines that couldn't be crossed. There was no way it was that simple. And if it was such good advice (which Kakyoin knew it was) why didn't he feel any better about it?]
I think...more than figuring out what to do with this, I just...
[What was the real problem here? Kakyoin hesitated, Hierophant pulling off of him to form over his shoulder, arms draped loosely around his neck.]
...want to understand why. I don't hate or fear Hierophant for what we can do, I just...want to know why this is part of myself.
[Beyond the empathy Fugo feels for Kakyoin, he can't help but feel fascinated by the way Kakyoin and Hierophant move together. When he's uncertain, Kakyoin reaches to hold himself; when that's not enough, Hierophant appears to reassure him. It reminds him, in some ways, of Trish and Spice Girl, or Giorno and Gold Experience-- but unlike Giorno, Kakyoin acknowledges and accepts the comfort offered by his reflection.]
I have a few thoughts, if you'd like to hear them. [He doesn't want to presume, or push. At the end of the day, Fugo is still getting to know Kakyoin and doesn't want to make him feel uncomfortable with an unsolicited analysis of what his Stand's abilities say about him.]
[It was just natural at this point, and had been so for a long time. For nearly as long as Kakyoin could remember, the only one who had ever been able to offer comfort and companionship was...himself. It was always Hierophant who responded to the conscious thoughts of loneliness and uncertainty with an armored hand in Kakyoin's, with ribbonlike coils that tangled around him or arms as cool as solid stone that reached around his shoulders.]
[What Fugo saw now was barely different from a child hugging his knees to his chest to shield himself from some unspoken and intangible fear.]
I worry I may have overstepped my boundaries in bringing you into this, so the least I can do is hear out whatever you might have to say.
When I first came here, Giorno described Hierophant to me as the perfect compliment to Star Platinum. [Fugo unfolds his hands again, one finger on each hand.] Range and tactics vs. speed and precision. Specifically, he described Hierophant as being mutable, sneaky, and deceptively deadly. He called you a genius and said that was reflected in the flexible nature of your Stand and I'm inclined to agree with him.
Hierophant's primary abilities are deceptively simple: the ability to create emeralds and unwind himself into coils, reaching a length of fifty meters. You're able to observe, communicate, and fight within a very large range. [Fugo brings one hand up to cover his mouth while he thinks.] If I had to describe Hierophant Green in a sentence, it would be as a long-range Stand whose primary specialty is gathering information, taking down threats, and manipulating the environment from a distance.
For how that reflects on you, it gives me the impression that you are a cautious person who doesn't necessarily feel comfortable around others. You prefer to observe from a distance. While you might not necessarily start a fight, you will almost certainly be the one to finish it. While you prefer to go into things with a plan, you're creative and flexible; you aren't afraid to change it based on unexpected circumstances.
So where does the ability to take possession of someone else's body and thoughts fit into that? [His brow furrows and he frowns, staring intently at Kakyoin and Hierophant.] If it were your only ability, I would say that implies you are uncomfortable around people whose behavior you cannot predict or that you want absolute control of the environment around you. But I don't think that interpretation lines up with the other conclusions about your abilities. The desire for complete control is extremely inflexible. It doesn't fit.
[He leans back in his chair and taps his elbow with his other hand, thinking back again to the conversation he had with Giorno.] Back then, Giorno described Hierophant as "shy," but immediately followed that with the statement that he liked "to be a part of things". Given what I've observed when the two of you are together, I think that's very apt.
So perhaps the most succinct way to describe how Hierophant's abilities reflect on you, personally, is that you feel distanced from the people around you. Despite that, you want to know more about them-- moreover, you want to "connect" with them.
[It was true, every single word. Hierophant and Star were perfect compliments just like their users, but that was the obvious part. Kakyoin visibly began to turn tense and a little unsettled as Fugo continued on--was this what it felt like when he tried to evaluate someone else based on their Stands?]
['It just feels wrong. Like everyone can see all the parts of me I don't want seen. What makes me happy, even when it shouldn't, and...all the parts of me that are too young and vulnerable and desperate.']
[It was uncomfortable because it was all exactly true, even moving into territory he hadn't even thought relevant. He turned pale at the other's estimation of being distant from others; Hierophant's arms tightened around him as a silent and perhaps unconscious need to remain grounded and aware of the situation rather than sliding into thoughts of loneliness and self-hatred. Whatever the reason for the Stand's motion, its user didn't dare break eye contact with Fugo.]
['Because being a Stand user means having everything about us visible--what we like as well as hate, what we want people to see and what we'd do anything to hide.']
You're...right.
[It wasn't 'Noriaki' that Fugo was describing anymore, though there was no possible way he could have known that.]
...you think that I developed this power because... [The words came out hesitant but not argumentative, Kakyoin himself the picture of one struggling to appear calm despite a shaken foundation.] ...because I was lonely? Because I wanted people to--
[-to understand me, and whatever color was in Kakyoin's face drained out of it. Hierophant was his thoughts, his feelings, his desires. The desires of a child who couldn't be understood, who grew up alone through his own stubborn insistence no matter how much he wanted to connect with and get along with other people. Hierophant was the reflection of a child that just wanted--]
[Let's be friends, Kakyoin.]
[He didn't know if the clear explanation made it better or worse in the long run, but Kakyoin did know he felt like the floor had just been ripped out from under him.]
[It feels strangely awful, watching Kakyoin listen to him think aloud and to hear, at the end of it, you're right. Fugo rarely allows himself to think aloud: he has so many thoughts, not all of them pleasant. Not all of it is new, but this is the first time he's brought together all the bits and pieces of what he's observed and what he's been told about Kakyoin and his Hierophant. Kakyoin looks so pained and pale and, briefly, Fugo wonders if it would have been better to just keep quiet, or if he should have said something else entirely.]
I-- think it's a viable possibility. Given what I've seen and what I've been told about your behavior. [In the end, Fugo is the one to break eye contact before Kakyoin. His hands drop down his lap. Although he tries to keep them still by folding them, he finds himself nervously fiddling with his thumbs. Should he apologize? Kakyoin was worrying so much about overstepping boundaries, but all he did was ask a question.]
[Were Hierophant more of a Stand with its own conscious will, the way it was clinging to Kakyoin might have been seen as a silent apology to its user. But it wasn't, and if it was an apology it was one from Kakyoin to the people he cared about--I'm sorry for the way that I am. For the tone in Polnareff's voice when he'd confessed to having this power, for how he'd kept Jotaro up at night so many times this past week worrying over his stupid fears and nightmares, for whatever actually became of that school nurse and the kid who'd been stabbed with a pen. It had all been his fault, more than Kakyoin had already accepted it was.]
[He took a slow, careful breath to refocus, exactly as Caesar had taught him--god, Caesar didn't know. What would he say, would he look at Kakyoin like he was some kind of monster-]
['Family is first and forever, Noriaki.']
[...What was he thinking? Had he really done anything wrong here? If Fugo was right, then Kakyoin Tenmei and Hierophant Green's only crime was being a child who desperately wanted friends that understood him, and falling in with the wrong one once upon a time in Cairo.]
['You aren't the same as whatever monster is haunting your nightmares, Kakyoin.']
[He'd insisted to himself a thousand times over that the Dio in this city hadn't done anything yet. That he wasn't the same as that nightmare for it, and maybe he wouldn't be if he were given a chance--it wasn't his fault and he shouldn't be held accountable for it.]
[It wasn't his fault.]
['You've never used your Stand to hurt anyone who wasn't already trying to hurt you. I know you haven't, and I know you won't.']
['Evil is when you use the weak for your own gain and crush them under your foot', right? He still remembered that vividly in the blank spaces that were the months up to that day, and it was no less true now. Fugo was right about another thing--he was afraid of that power. That was 'evil' by definition. Kakyoin hadn't used it to take over anyone else's mind, and he never would again for exactly that reason.]
I- [He realized the silence had stretched on a little too long, and lowered a hand that had started mindlessly twisting in his hair at some point.] ...wanted friends. You're exactly right--I was never able to close that distance when I was a child, because no one fit what I saw as the criteria required for a person to understand me. Whenever we may have developed this ability in response to that--which I don't doubt may well have been the case--I never knew about it until I'd been mind controlled myself.
[And yet here he was now; in a house full of his dearest friends and people he called 'family'. People who finally saw Kakyoin for the person he and Hierophant were together, and knew that was someone worth caring about.]
['You don't have to earn that. You don't have to fight to keep it. It's already yours, no matter what.']
[He wondered what that lonely child would have thought, to know this would be his future.]
...damn, if this is what it feels like to have someone evaluate you based on your Stand then I need to be a little more careful. I never realized how strange it really felt to have someone else look at Hierophant similar to the way I do. [A small, awkward smile broke out across his face, silently assuring Fugo that he hadn't gone too far or crossed any line.]
[Kakyoin is quiet for a long time. Longer than he should be, even given what they're talking about. Fugo furtively looks up at him, around his bangs, and bites the inside of his lip. Kakyoin is staring without seeing at an empty spot on the table, eyes wide and dazed; his long fingers are twisted in his hair, just as tangled as his own thoughts and feelings must be. Hierophant is clinging tightly to his shoulders, as if that's the only thing keeping him grounded. He looks overwhelmed. Lost, in the past. Briefly, Fugo wonders: is this what it looks like? Is this what Giorno saw across the table in November and standing in front of mansion at the end of June? He knows, too well, what it's like to suddenly feel unsteady in the face overwhelmingly strong emotions. But what he doesn't know is what to do when it's someone else who stumbles, even more since it's not Giorno.
What should he do? Does he call out for Kakyoin? Or would it be better to get someone Kakyoin trusts, someone who can reach out to him and who he can lean on? Fugo is close to rising to his feet to just that when something in Kakyoin's eyes snaps back to the present, he begins to speak, and his hand slowly drops from his hair. Lines of tension in Fugo's shoulders that he didn't even realize had bunched up abruptly relax; his hands, tightly folded in his lap, loosen enough so that they're no longer white-knuckled. He listens carefully, still obviously and plainly worried, and manages one of his strange, nervous-looking smiles in response to his attempt at... humor? Lightening the mood?]
Sorry. I suppose I had more than a few thoughts, in hindsight. [He pauses, eyes shifting restlessly and thumbs twiddling nervously, before carefully venturing:] Are... you going to be all right?
You don't have to apologize. I should have given you a chance to-- [He cuts himself, pressing his lips together, before sighing.] I don't know, have some space to think. Instead of just rambling on like that.
[It's kind of late, so he didn't stop to think. He might be a little tired, because insomnia is actually the worst.]
Thanks? I just think too much. [All the time. About everything.]
It can be. [He can admit to that much, at least. Because for as much as it bogs him down, from day-to-day life to decisions that change his life, there are just as many times when it's provided valuable insight. There's a phrase in English, he thinks, that describes something that's both a benefit and a detriment, but it's not coming to mind right now.] But I'm relieved to hear that, tonight at least, it was helpful to you.
[Despite his too-long moment of shutting down, in a way, Kakyoin already seems a little more sure of himself. As if he's finally set his hands on something he was looking for, after stumbling around in the dark with his eyes closed.]
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2016-08-25 05:54 am (UTC)[Kakyoin frowned slightly at the chain and wire as he spoke--it seemed a little silly to use buttons as makeshift charms. He could do much better than that. Of course he had no idea if Fugo cared much for green, but...honestly. If Giorno caught him with buttons hanging from his ears neither of them would hear the end of it.]
[Coming to an apparent conclusion, he let Hierophant's hands manifest over his own and formed a small strawberry made of emerald on the end of the chain.]
How does that look?
no subject
Date: 2016-08-25 06:19 am (UTC)To say that he's surprised by Hierophant is an understatement. Whatever remark Fugo might have had about drawing or music is forgotten; even his hands still, caught in a pose of mid-tapping over the table. He watches, plainly fascinated, as the tiny emerald takes shape between Kakyoin's hands.]
What delicate work... [He blinks, before Kakyoin's question registers.] Ah, it looks-- nice.
[Very nice. He's impressed!]
no subject
Date: 2016-08-25 06:26 am (UTC)Thanks. I've gotten a lot more precise with that since I've been here--that's the other thing I do when I'm really bored, or just need to take my mind off something.
[His eyes drifted from the earring to Hierophant's hands, expression turning distant--this was okay, right? It wasn't that he blamed himself or Hierophant for the way that they were and the abilities they had...it was what it was. His Stand was his reflection, and perhaps if he thought too hard about it that may have been the core of the issue. They had the power to create something beautiful out of thin air, and also the power to do something destructive and unthinkable.]
[Kakyoin had spent so much time in this city fascinated with other Stands that he'd never stopped to apply the same analytical eye to himself.]
Fugo-
[...Maybe Fugo of all people would understand. More than Jotaro with the power to stop time, Fugo's own Stand was...well, Purple Haze was Purple Haze.]
Sorry--this is weird and you're welcome to say no at any point, but could I...ask you something personal?
no subject
Date: 2016-08-25 03:06 pm (UTC)Kakyoin's question catches him a little off-guard, although he recovers quickly. Fugo shifts back in his chair, dropping his feet from the bottom rung and scooting it closer to the table. Instead of resuming his finger tapping, Fugo folds his hands in front of him and focuses his near-complete attention on Kakyoin's face.]
Go ahead. [He's a little cautious about what Kakyoin might ask. "Something personal" is a broad descriptor; it could be anything. But there's no harm in at least hearing him out.]
no subject
Date: 2016-08-25 06:16 pm (UTC)My Hierophant's main uses are in scouting and creating emeralds--usually as projectiles. But that isn't...that isn't our real power. What my Stand can really do is something only two people in this house really comprehend as the nightmare it is.
[Restlessly, fingers still covered by green and silver curled into a loose fist and uncurled again.]
We can...reach under someone's skin to run through their body and nervous system, controlling their body and even their mind to a limited extent. It's not something I've really used much or anything, but I-
[He leaned back in his chair to silently offer Fugo distance if he wanted, folding his and Hierophant's arms.]
...It bothers me. It has ever since I realized that was something I could do, and I'm having trouble finding someone to talk to that might really understand...how it feels to carry something like that. I was hoping Jotaro would, but...I don't know, it didn't go as well as I'd expected.
[Deep breath.]
Sorry if this is tactless or more than you want to talk about--you don't have to answer. I'm just...how do you handle it? Having an ability that just...isn't versatile, isn't positive, and just seems all around destructive.
no subject
Date: 2016-08-26 12:37 am (UTC)He is quiet and still, even after Kakyoin is finished. He presses his lips into a thin line while he considers, both what he wants to say and what he thinks of what Hierophant is capable of.]
When I was thirteen, [he begins, his tone cool and calm,] I was placed under arrest for assaulting one of my professors at Università di Bologna. He said something that made me very angry, so I picked up a dictionary and beat him with it until I was pulled off of him by campus security. I probably would have killed him if they hadn't intervened. I know he was hospitalized, but I'm not sure how well he recovered. I joined Passione shortly after, and it never really occurred to me to check up on him.
[There's no sense of regret or guilt attached to his words. They're just something that happened. That's just something he did, once, when he lost his temper.]
What I mean to say is that I have always had the capacity to be violent. Purple Haze is a reflection of that, among other things. [Purple Haze is a Stand whose power comes from hatred, anger, and fear. He's an awful, frightening Stand and Fugo worries every day about keeping him in check, controlling his temper, and making sure he doesn't hurt the people he cares about. He's not always successful--but it's important for him to try.] The only thing Purple Haze and I can do together is kill people. No matter how much or how little control I have over him, nothing will change the nature of the virus.
I suppose one way of looking at it is that, no matter what I do, there's no real way of changing what sort of person I am at the heart of things.
[Briefly, the sharpness in his eyes clouds over as he thinks of the way Giorno smiled at Purple Haze; how he pushed himself up on the tip of his toes to greet a nightmare like an old friend, the words he chose to describe Purple Haze's gleeful memory of killing Illuso. He's sweet, Giorno declared, for no reason other than Purple Haze remembered him.]
But, [he begins again, fingers tightening,] I don't think that's all there is to it. [Not anymore.] My capacity for violence and Purple Haze aren't the only things that I have to define myself by. As dangerous as Purple Haze is and what that says about me, I always have the power to choose how I apply my abilities. Not only that, but if I were a different sort of person I likely wouldn't have been able to survive what I have. If I didn't have Purple Haze, I wouldn't have been able to save someone very important to me.
When I think about it like that, it's a little easier to accept. [His expression softens.] In my opinion, there's no one ability of Hierophant that's more or less "real" than the others. They're all real, they're all a part of you. The ability to take control of someone else's body, or their thoughts-- it's a heavy weight to carry. And I don't think it would be an easy choice to make whether or not it's something you would make use of, even in dire circumstances.
[He pointedly does not say that he believes that Kakyoin would make the "right" choice. Because when it comes to survival, concepts like right and wrong are things that aren't part of the immediate decision-making process. They come later, when everything is said and done. Unfair as it is, that's just how the equation balances out.]
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Date: 2016-08-26 12:56 am (UTC)No, you're right. Hierophant and I are the same; I wouldn't change him and I don't blame him or myself for the power we have. This is just the way that I am, whether I like that or not.
[He looked away, silver-green armored fingers clutching at his sleeves. Was it just going to come down to holding himself accountable and choosing how to apply a power like this again? That was good advice whether it came from Jotaro or Fugo, and yet...he just didn't feel any less frustrated about it.]
If I didn't have this power, I think we all would have died once. There was a Stand user that had us all cornered, and I was the only one able to fight it. If I hadn't stopped it moving, then--I don't know if I would have won against it.
[And wasn't it true that he'd thrown himself into Hamon training to make sure he had the option to do it to the one person that did deserve a fate like that? If the living nightmare ever became a reality, didn't his entire plan for how to deal with that hinge on Hierophant's ability?]
[Yes--but that just meant he wasn't afraid of dropping to Dio's level to fight him again.]
Even so...even knowing that, it's hard for me to think of that as anything useful. I feel like it's something hanging over my head, reminding me of the only other person with the ability to remove one's free will. Enemy or not, no one truly deserves that kind of thing.
[No one but the monster himself.]
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Date: 2016-08-27 02:56 am (UTC)Practically speaking, it has plenty of useful applications. [Ruthlessly practical, Fugo unfolds his hands to tick points off on his fingers.] It can be used to disable enemies. Take control of a vehicle if the driver is unconscious or otherwise disabled. Impart your skill set onto an ally. Guide others through dangerous situations that they might not have the mental or emotional fortitude to make it through by themselves.
But I don't think that's what you're talking about. [He folds his hands again, resting them on the face of the table. Again, there's no judgement following his next statement. It's just a fact, simple and easy for him to understand.] You're afraid of it.
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Date: 2016-08-27 04:40 am (UTC)[The fact that he'd never once thought of a single one of those applications--him, the genius and strategist--proved Fugo's point with no room for argument.]
Because it's happened to me. [Instead, the answer was quiet and even confirmation.] There are months of my life in which I don't know where I was, what I was doing, what I said, who I said it to, or how many people I killed.
I don't want to be the one to take all of that from anyone else. No one deserves to live through what's been done to me.
[No one human.]
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Date: 2016-08-27 06:37 pm (UTC)Then don't be. Just because you have the ability to steal someone's life doesn't mean it's inevitable that you will, or that you have to use your power in that way. Your ability is a tool. A frightening one, yes, and one that would be easy to abuse-- but even outside of what you just told me, not one that I believe you would use in such an evil way.
What happened to you was terrible. But because of that experience, you have a unique perspective on what it's like. If you choose to use this ability, or learn to master it, you would be able to wield it while thinking first and foremost about the people you control.
[He pauses, considering.] Not that I think you're in the wrong for not wanting to use it. I don't think anyone could fault you for that.
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Date: 2016-08-27 07:10 pm (UTC)I think...more than figuring out what to do with this, I just...
[What was the real problem here? Kakyoin hesitated, Hierophant pulling off of him to form over his shoulder, arms draped loosely around his neck.]
...want to understand why. I don't hate or fear Hierophant for what we can do, I just...want to know why this is part of myself.
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Date: 2016-08-27 09:00 pm (UTC)I have a few thoughts, if you'd like to hear them. [He doesn't want to presume, or push. At the end of the day, Fugo is still getting to know Kakyoin and doesn't want to make him feel uncomfortable with an unsolicited analysis of what his Stand's abilities say about him.]
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Date: 2016-08-27 09:11 pm (UTC)[It was just natural at this point, and had been so for a long time. For nearly as long as Kakyoin could remember, the only one who had ever been able to offer comfort and companionship was...himself. It was always Hierophant who responded to the conscious thoughts of loneliness and uncertainty with an armored hand in Kakyoin's, with ribbonlike coils that tangled around him or arms as cool as solid stone that reached around his shoulders.]
[What Fugo saw now was barely different from a child hugging his knees to his chest to shield himself from some unspoken and intangible fear.]
I worry I may have overstepped my boundaries in bringing you into this, so the least I can do is hear out whatever you might have to say.
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Date: 2016-08-27 10:00 pm (UTC)Hierophant's primary abilities are deceptively simple: the ability to create emeralds and unwind himself into coils, reaching a length of fifty meters. You're able to observe, communicate, and fight within a very large range. [Fugo brings one hand up to cover his mouth while he thinks.] If I had to describe Hierophant Green in a sentence, it would be as a long-range Stand whose primary specialty is gathering information, taking down threats, and manipulating the environment from a distance.
For how that reflects on you, it gives me the impression that you are a cautious person who doesn't necessarily feel comfortable around others. You prefer to observe from a distance. While you might not necessarily start a fight, you will almost certainly be the one to finish it. While you prefer to go into things with a plan, you're creative and flexible; you aren't afraid to change it based on unexpected circumstances.
So where does the ability to take possession of someone else's body and thoughts fit into that? [His brow furrows and he frowns, staring intently at Kakyoin and Hierophant.] If it were your only ability, I would say that implies you are uncomfortable around people whose behavior you cannot predict or that you want absolute control of the environment around you. But I don't think that interpretation lines up with the other conclusions about your abilities. The desire for complete control is extremely inflexible. It doesn't fit.
[He leans back in his chair and taps his elbow with his other hand, thinking back again to the conversation he had with Giorno.] Back then, Giorno described Hierophant as "shy," but immediately followed that with the statement that he liked "to be a part of things". Given what I've observed when the two of you are together, I think that's very apt.
So perhaps the most succinct way to describe how Hierophant's abilities reflect on you, personally, is that you feel distanced from the people around you. Despite that, you want to know more about them-- moreover, you want to "connect" with them.
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Date: 2016-08-27 10:24 pm (UTC)[It was true, every single word. Hierophant and Star were perfect compliments just like their users, but that was the obvious part. Kakyoin visibly began to turn tense and a little unsettled as Fugo continued on--was this what it felt like when he tried to evaluate someone else based on their Stands?]
['It just feels wrong. Like everyone can see all the parts of me I don't want seen. What makes me happy, even when it shouldn't, and...all the parts of me that are too young and vulnerable and desperate.']
[It was uncomfortable because it was all exactly true, even moving into territory he hadn't even thought relevant. He turned pale at the other's estimation of being distant from others; Hierophant's arms tightened around him as a silent and perhaps unconscious need to remain grounded and aware of the situation rather than sliding into thoughts of loneliness and self-hatred. Whatever the reason for the Stand's motion, its user didn't dare break eye contact with Fugo.]
['Because being a Stand user means having everything about us visible--what we like as well as hate, what we want people to see and what we'd do anything to hide.']
You're...right.
[It wasn't 'Noriaki' that Fugo was describing anymore, though there was no possible way he could have known that.]
...you think that I developed this power because... [The words came out hesitant but not argumentative, Kakyoin himself the picture of one struggling to appear calm despite a shaken foundation.] ...because I was lonely? Because I wanted people to--
[-to understand me, and whatever color was in Kakyoin's face drained out of it. Hierophant was his thoughts, his feelings, his desires. The desires of a child who couldn't be understood, who grew up alone through his own stubborn insistence no matter how much he wanted to connect with and get along with other people. Hierophant was the reflection of a child that just wanted--]
[Let's be friends, Kakyoin.]
[He didn't know if the clear explanation made it better or worse in the long run, but Kakyoin did know he felt like the floor had just been ripped out from under him.]
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Date: 2016-08-28 02:50 pm (UTC)I-- think it's a viable possibility. Given what I've seen and what I've been told about your behavior. [In the end, Fugo is the one to break eye contact before Kakyoin. His hands drop down his lap. Although he tries to keep them still by folding them, he finds himself nervously fiddling with his thumbs. Should he apologize? Kakyoin was worrying so much about overstepping boundaries, but all he did was ask a question.]
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Date: 2016-08-28 05:26 pm (UTC)[He took a slow, careful breath to refocus, exactly as Caesar had taught him--god, Caesar didn't know. What would he say, would he look at Kakyoin like he was some kind of monster-]
['Family is first and forever, Noriaki.']
[...What was he thinking? Had he really done anything wrong here? If Fugo was right, then Kakyoin Tenmei and Hierophant Green's only crime was being a child who desperately wanted friends that understood him, and falling in with the wrong one once upon a time in Cairo.]
['You aren't the same as whatever monster is haunting your nightmares, Kakyoin.']
[He'd insisted to himself a thousand times over that the Dio in this city hadn't done anything yet. That he wasn't the same as that nightmare for it, and maybe he wouldn't be if he were given a chance--it wasn't his fault and he shouldn't be held accountable for it.]
[It wasn't his fault.]
['You've never used your Stand to hurt anyone who wasn't already trying to hurt you. I know you haven't, and I know you won't.']
['Evil is when you use the weak for your own gain and crush them under your foot', right? He still remembered that vividly in the blank spaces that were the months up to that day, and it was no less true now. Fugo was right about another thing--he was afraid of that power. That was 'evil' by definition. Kakyoin hadn't used it to take over anyone else's mind, and he never would again for exactly that reason.]
I- [He realized the silence had stretched on a little too long, and lowered a hand that had started mindlessly twisting in his hair at some point.] ...wanted friends. You're exactly right--I was never able to close that distance when I was a child, because no one fit what I saw as the criteria required for a person to understand me. Whenever we may have developed this ability in response to that--which I don't doubt may well have been the case--I never knew about it until I'd been mind controlled myself.
[And yet here he was now; in a house full of his dearest friends and people he called 'family'. People who finally saw Kakyoin for the person he and Hierophant were together, and knew that was someone worth caring about.]
['You don't have to earn that. You don't have to fight to keep it. It's already yours, no matter what.']
[He wondered what that lonely child would have thought, to know this would be his future.]
...damn, if this is what it feels like to have someone evaluate you based on your Stand then I need to be a little more careful. I never realized how strange it really felt to have someone else look at Hierophant similar to the way I do. [A small, awkward smile broke out across his face, silently assuring Fugo that he hadn't gone too far or crossed any line.]
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Date: 2016-08-29 12:44 am (UTC)What should he do? Does he call out for Kakyoin? Or would it be better to get someone Kakyoin trusts, someone who can reach out to him and who he can lean on? Fugo is close to rising to his feet to just that when something in Kakyoin's eyes snaps back to the present, he begins to speak, and his hand slowly drops from his hair. Lines of tension in Fugo's shoulders that he didn't even realize had bunched up abruptly relax; his hands, tightly folded in his lap, loosen enough so that they're no longer white-knuckled. He listens carefully, still obviously and plainly worried, and manages one of his strange, nervous-looking smiles in response to his attempt at... humor? Lightening the mood?]
Sorry. I suppose I had more than a few thoughts, in hindsight. [He pauses, eyes shifting restlessly and thumbs twiddling nervously, before carefully venturing:] Are... you going to be all right?
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Date: 2016-08-29 12:53 am (UTC)[The awkward atmosphere was pretty obvious once he'd snapped out of his own thoughts, and he made an attempt to laugh it off quietly.]
Your talent for insight really is something impressive, Fugo. It caught me off guard for a minute or two.
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Date: 2016-08-29 01:01 am (UTC)[It's kind of late, so he didn't stop to think. He might be a little tired, because insomnia is actually the worst.]
Thanks? I just think too much. [All the time. About everything.]
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Date: 2016-08-29 01:09 am (UTC)I find 'thinking too much' can be a valuable thing in its own way.
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Date: 2016-08-29 06:06 pm (UTC)[Despite his too-long moment of shutting down, in a way, Kakyoin already seems a little more sure of himself. As if he's finally set his hands on something he was looking for, after stumbling around in the dark with his eyes closed.]