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[lapidarius]

"This is Kakyoin Noriaki. Please leave a message, I'll contact you as soon as I can."

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Comments

[lapidarius]

I'm not sure I understand. Like...you're expecting you should be worse?

[digiorno]

Mm . . . I think maybe I'm not letting myself feel anything about it.

[lapidarius]

...Oh.

[Yeah, that...actually made sense.]

I think I might understand that, to a point.

[digiorno]

Do you? I don't.

[And he was kind of annoyed about it.]

[lapidarius]

If I had to guess--and this is only a guess, I can't claim to speak for what you're feeling with any accuracy--could it be that you're focusing so much on the rest of us that you're simply shutting down anything to do with yourself?

[...]

...because I catch myself doing that, once in a while. Or something similar.

[digiorno]

Mm. Maybe.

[That . . . sounds about right, actually. He rests his chin on his hand.]

What makes you do that? What situations make that response happen?

[lapidarius]

[Kakyoin paused, looking like he was trying to work out his own logic and reasoning. He had a pretty good idea of what the issue was, but phrasing it was going to be difficult.]

I know that I can rely on myself and only myself if I have to, and manage well enough in doing so--I've done that my whole life, so I'm used to it. So I prioritize what other people might need or want before I worry about myself--this is outside of a combat situation, of course, that's a completely different set of circumstances.

For the sake of simplicity, let me take this to a specific level and use Jotaro as an example. When he first got to this city, all I was worried about was what seeing me again must have been doing to him. And because of that, there's a fair amount of things I haven't told him...because even if I want to be able to confide in him I can deal with it myself, and saying it out loud would only end up hurting him.

Not causing him pain takes priority over letting myself talk about what happened. It applies on a larger scale, too...in short, 'I can take care of myself, but I don't want my friends to suffer'. Does that make sense?

[digiorno]

. . . You know.

[The flattest look.]

Eventually we're going to have to stop being so similar, Kakyoin, it's getting strange.

[lapidarius]

...

[Kakyoin's serious expression turned to a smirk at first, but that quickly broke into a laugh hidden behind his hand.]

You're probably right.

[digiorno]

[Giorno didn't quite laugh, but. Close. Pretty damn close.]

I came here to talk about my plan. But now I think that might be stupid. Maybe . . .

It really does change things, doesn't it? If you grow up feeling alone or if you don't. It changes how you handle hard times.

[lapidarius]

I've never really stopped to think about that before. Now that you point it out, it seems...painfully obvious.

It's probably a little twisted to say that I'm used to being unhappy or anything like that, but...I'd rather it was me than him. I know I can handle it, and I know he shouldn't have to. None of us should, but if any of us had to then I'd be fine with it.

[digiorno]

. . . Before here, I didn't know anyone who didn't have to handle it.

[lapidarius]

I guess that does make sense. [y'know. mafia and all. kind of doesn't lend itself to the happiest situations.]

[digiorno]

I just mean that normal is hard. Sometimes I want to shield people from - everything else that exists.

Sometimes. Most of the time. So I do think it is the same thing, what you said and what's happening now.

[lapidarius]

...I know. I'd do the same thing if I could--I guess I'm trying to regardless of whether I can or not.

It probably is the same thing, more or less.

[digiorno]

I got in some trouble over that a while ago. Not exactly the same thing, but that was part of it. I'm still getting the hang of being careful about it. Not quickly enough, apparently.

[lapidarius]

I don't really think one can do that quickly.

[digiorno]

Really? You don't think so?

[Son, your perfectionism is showing.]

[lapidarius]

...If they can, I think I'm probably doing something wrong.

[?????]

[digiorno]

Hmm.

[He taps his fingers together, looking a little uncertain.]

But it's difficult for someone in my position to make mistakes like that. Don't you think?

[lapidarius]

Your position doesn't make you any less human. Difficult or not, mistakes are still going to happen.

[digiorno]

[Mm. Doesn't it? He's dubious.]

Then it's got to be a matter of damage control?

[lapidarius]

You could look at it like that, or you could look at it as a matter of finding better ground to stand on somewhere before 'prioritizing other people before yourself.'

[digiorno]

. . . Sound strategy. Having a home base, somewhere with a good foundation and location.

That's what we did after Diavolo died. That was the first thing, even before the funerals. Real estate is important.

[lapidarius]

Something like that, yeah. I think we both just need...I don't know, some way to slap sense into ourselves so we remember to worry about ourselves, too.