...If you want my guess, I'd call it the former. I don't think he would have determined we came all that way for nothing, regardless of how hopeless the situation was.
[Kakyoin couldn't say that he wouldn't guard Jotaro with his life if he thought it was necessary. Of course he would, without a second's hesitation. So it was difficult to be frustrated about the idea without being a hypocrite.]
I'll try to remember that. If this happens again, I mean.
[He probably was supposed to say something better than "sure" there, but he wasn't sure precisely what it was.]
And. I'm not saying this is what I did tonight, it's not, but. I can think of at least one time I'd try to keep you behind a shield, and that has nothing to do with thinking you're weak, either.
[It wasn't a snapped accusation, but it wasn't quite as simple as just a question. Feeling uncertain and a little out of his element when it came to things like this, he looked away again.]
And I'm telling you I'll accept your apology, so you don't have to keep doing it.
[...he's trying, okay.]
I'm fine now. Really--it's just that I haven't talked about that kind of thing with many people, so it caught me off guard. it's not your fault or Giovanna's, so don't worry about that.
It's like you said: 'it wasn't like I was thinking about it'.
Hierophant hasn't acted independently on that level since I was a kid--I mean, he moves on his own when I'm nervous or angry, but not quite like that. I just didn't-... [Kakyoin frowned slightly, trying to figure out how he wanted to say this. It was better to just say it and be clear, right?]
[He hesitated then, trying to fit words to a concept he wasn't sure how to explain, to put his finger on something he knew he'd seen but wasn't sure how to adequately pin down.
Most of the false starts, he found, began with I don't want you to feel like, and then fell short when he realized he didn't have the words to fill in the like what.
But...that. That, that moment with hands over his face, that ugly moment when his own nerves were exploding white and Hierophant landed on his collar.
That strange, open moment that had followed it, when he hadn't cared about much of anything because he'd been too preoccupied with what was right in front of him, when he'd pulled Kakyoin's hands away from his face and said I'm here — what he really wanted was to somehow say, I'll do that again, if you need it.
And of course, he had no idea how.]
...If you're —
[...]
...I didn't mind. That you did that. I still don't.
[It was right about then that it occurred to Kakyoin--he'd never used Hierophant like that at all. It answered his thoughts both conscious and unconscious, but it was the latter which found itself relevant in this instance. He'd wanted that contact, the concrete assurance that his friend and most reliable source of strength was directly beside him.]
[Kakyoin looked at his own hand with a distant stare, recalling the peculiar sensation that defied any real description. It wasn't like taking damage when Hierophant was struck in a fight, more...subtle and distant. A feather-light touch that was undeniably there without being direct.]
[Quietly--as though he'd just realized he should be answering with more than that--Kakyoin answered without looking up.]
[And what seemed like the right thing to do, just then, was to reach over and land his hand reassuringly on Kakyoin's shoulder, letting him feel the weight of the contact and hoping it adequately expressed some kind of support that he couldn't put into words.
So that's what he did.]
...Are you sleepy yet?
[Which was actually not a non sequitur so much as it was a thought that came about four stops down on a train of logic, without any indication of the ones in-between.]
[Dropping his hand back to his side, Kakyoin looked back to Jotaro with a hesitant smile. He didn't question the shift in topic; realizing he'd said something that might have been a little too openly sentimental, he was grateful for the sudden turn. (But probably more grateful for the touch to his shoulder keeping him a little more grounded in reality.)]
[Likewise, it was equally easy to manifest Star Platinum in his legs, pushing off with a power kick that sent him soaring up in a neat arc that landed him next to Kakyoin on the roof.]
...Is it better being up high?
[He said, looking around for a good place to sit down and surveying the view while he was at it.]
I like it, once in a while. Much as Hierophant hates the open space, I feel a little better standing at a good vantage point.
[Kakyoin, meanwhile, seemed to gravitate to a particular spot: facing just slightly southwest. It was the clearest view of the city possible while keeping the clock tower just out of his peripheral vision. That might have been a conscious choice and it might not have been, but the former was definitely the more likely option.]
[...Hmmm. That was interesting. Not so telling that he could immediately pick out why Kakyoin was adjusting to that particular view, but at least evident that he had a preferred one.]
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2015-08-26 05:40 am (UTC)...Do you think he thought I could do it?
Or was he just trying to give me a chance to run and escape what was coming?
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Date: 2015-08-26 05:42 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-08-26 05:51 am (UTC)I guess...why I thought of that, I don't think it was because he thought I needed to be protected, either.
[...]
I guess sometimes you just do that, when it's the people who mean a lot to you.
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Date: 2015-08-26 05:56 am (UTC)[Kakyoin couldn't say that he wouldn't guard Jotaro with his life if he thought it was necessary. Of course he would, without a second's hesitation. So it was difficult to be frustrated about the idea without being a hypocrite.]
I'll try to remember that. If this happens again, I mean.
no subject
Date: 2015-08-26 05:59 am (UTC)Just. I've never thought you were weak or helpless. Ever.
[...]
Even when you can't be the strong Kakyoin you want to be, that doesn't mean I think you're weak.
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Date: 2015-08-26 06:02 am (UTC)[No, he stopped that answer midsentence. There was no need to ask 'you really mean that?', because Jotaro wouldn't just say something he didn't mean.]
...thanks. That's...that means a lot.
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Date: 2015-08-26 06:07 am (UTC)[He probably was supposed to say something better than "sure" there, but he wasn't sure precisely what it was.]
And. I'm not saying this is what I did tonight, it's not, but. I can think of at least one time I'd try to keep you behind a shield, and that has nothing to do with thinking you're weak, either.
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Date: 2015-08-26 06:10 am (UTC)[It wasn't a snapped accusation, but it wasn't quite as simple as just a question. Feeling uncertain and a little out of his element when it came to things like this, he looked away again.]
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Date: 2015-08-26 06:14 am (UTC)It's like you said. I'm better-suited to a close range fight, so I'd try to pressure them into having to focus on me. While you found their weakness.
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Date: 2015-08-26 06:17 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-08-26 06:19 am (UTC)It sounds like I'm trying to explain away what I did, right?
no subject
Date: 2015-08-26 06:20 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-08-26 06:24 am (UTC)[...]
Are you okay?
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Date: 2015-08-26 06:28 am (UTC)[...he's trying, okay.]
I'm fine now. Really--it's just that I haven't talked about that kind of thing with many people, so it caught me off guard. it's not your fault or Giovanna's, so don't worry about that.
no subject
Date: 2015-08-26 06:29 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-08-26 06:35 am (UTC)Hierophant hasn't acted independently on that level since I was a kid--I mean, he moves on his own when I'm nervous or angry, but not quite like that. I just didn't-... [Kakyoin frowned slightly, trying to figure out how he wanted to say this. It was better to just say it and be clear, right?]
...I didn't want you to leave.
no subject
Date: 2015-08-26 05:57 pm (UTC)Most of the false starts, he found, began with I don't want you to feel like, and then fell short when he realized he didn't have the words to fill in the like what.
But...that. That, that moment with hands over his face, that ugly moment when his own nerves were exploding white and Hierophant landed on his collar.
That strange, open moment that had followed it, when he hadn't cared about much of anything because he'd been too preoccupied with what was right in front of him, when he'd pulled Kakyoin's hands away from his face and said I'm here — what he really wanted was to somehow say, I'll do that again, if you need it.
And of course, he had no idea how.]
...If you're —
[...]
...I didn't mind. That you did that. I still don't.
no subject
Date: 2015-08-26 06:28 pm (UTC)[It was right about then that it occurred to Kakyoin--he'd never used Hierophant like that at all. It answered his thoughts both conscious and unconscious, but it was the latter which found itself relevant in this instance. He'd wanted that contact, the concrete assurance that his friend and most reliable source of strength was directly beside him.]
[Kakyoin looked at his own hand with a distant stare, recalling the peculiar sensation that defied any real description. It wasn't like taking damage when Hierophant was struck in a fight, more...subtle and distant. A feather-light touch that was undeniably there without being direct.]
[Quietly--as though he'd just realized he should be answering with more than that--Kakyoin answered without looking up.]
...I'm...really glad you're here with me, Jotaro.
no subject
Date: 2015-08-26 06:39 pm (UTC)So that's what he did.]
...Are you sleepy yet?
[Which was actually not a non sequitur so much as it was a thought that came about four stops down on a train of logic, without any indication of the ones in-between.]
no subject
Date: 2015-08-26 06:44 pm (UTC)[Dropping his hand back to his side, Kakyoin looked back to Jotaro with a hesitant smile. He didn't question the shift in topic; realizing he'd said something that might have been a little too openly sentimental, he was grateful for the sudden turn. (But probably more grateful for the touch to his shoulder keeping him a little more grounded in reality.)]
What about you?
no subject
Date: 2015-08-26 06:48 pm (UTC)[...]
Let's go back up on the roof and hang out until someone gets tired.
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Date: 2015-08-26 06:55 pm (UTC)[With a quick appearance from Hierophant he made it back up with barely a second thought, like this was just something he'd done every night.]
[It wasn't that routine, but it was close. Every other time he'd come up here, he'd been on his own with just his Stand and his own thoughts.]
[This, he immediately determined, was much better.]
no subject
Date: 2015-08-26 06:59 pm (UTC)...Is it better being up high?
[He said, looking around for a good place to sit down and surveying the view while he was at it.]
no subject
Date: 2015-08-26 07:16 pm (UTC)[Kakyoin, meanwhile, seemed to gravitate to a particular spot: facing just slightly southwest. It was the clearest view of the city possible while keeping the clock tower just out of his peripheral vision. That might have been a conscious choice and it might not have been, but the former was definitely the more likely option.]
no subject
Date: 2015-08-26 07:41 pm (UTC)...
[He watched a moment, quietly.]
What're you looking at?
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