[He didn't want to do this. Let it stay a secret between himself, Jotaro, Giorno, and Diarmuid--Polnareff of all people would have every right to be revolted once this came out. Like Kakyoin he knew how horrible this kind of thing was, what an invasion on every possible level it functioned as.]
For as much as I don't remember about the months between August and November, I have fairly clear memories of most of that day. I even remember I had a marionette I'd gotten from...somewhere, I don't know--I think it was for dramatic effect.
I pushed him down a flight of stairs with Hierophant, passed him a written death threat he almost didn't even bother reading, and waited.
[Was this...the first he'd talked about in in real detail? Kakyoin was sure he'd glossed over it briefly with Giorno and possibly Diarmuid, but the only other person that knew the events of that day was Jotaro himself.]
He ended up in the nurse's office because Hierophant had cut his leg to throw him off balance. So I- [It caught in his throat again, Kakyoin gradually turning pale at the recollection. He couldn't force the rest of the sentence out, not from left field like that.]
Hierophant's most powerful ability...isn't Emerald Splash. [His hands had gone rigid, but his expression was a perfect poker face and his voice was calm no matter how much it halted and hesitated.] Our power is...to get under someone's skin and control their movements, even their mind to a limited extent. I remember thinking...he wouldn't attack an innocent woman. So I would be able to kill him by taking control of the school nurse and making her go after him with a pen. I even took out another student's eye in the process, because they were there and in the way. I didn't even know I could do that, but it must have been something I figured out between Cairo and then. No one back home ever knew about it except Jotaro and probably Dio himself; the only other time I used it was the fight none of you remember. I knew if the rest of you found out, you'd--
[He took a slow and measured breath; Hamon training was something he could fall back on as a sense of security, something that let him belong somewhere and reminded him that he could maintain his composure and strength if he could just breathe.]
For all I talk about Stands as being an important reflection of their users--about how Hierophant is my reflection--knowing that's my real power is probably horrifying, right? So it's okay if you...whatever you're thinking about me, I won't hold it against you.
There was no other word for it. The ability to control someone else, to puppet their movements . . . hadn't they just spoken about how horrifying it was? Hadn't he just said he'd rather die than ever go through that again? God, and Polnareff glanced away, turning his gaze to a spot on the wall. He couldn't look at Kakyoin right then.
Because, see, the thing was: he could do that to Polnareff right now. He wouldn't, but he could, easy as anything, and that was the most terrifying thought of all. It wouldn't take Dio growing up in order for Polnareff to fall back into some brainwashed drone; all it would take would be a Kakyoin who felt he had due cause. And this city . . . it messed with your head. Made you see things that weren't there and believe things you knew to be a lie.
If Ruby City could make him believe Sherry was alive and well, how hard would it be for it to make Kakyoin believe using that ability was justified?
He exhaled a low, gusty breath, his eyes closing for a moment. Even the hypothetical made his skin crawl and his throat close.
That was a danger. That was likely a danger Kakyoin worried about every day; he'd lived here for over a year and had gone through all kinds of weird shit. He must have thought about that scenario. He must have talked it over with Jotaro. Did they have some kind of fail-safe plan? Probably. He would ask about that later, maybe. Maybe the plan was just to try and put Kakyoin down until he regained his sanity, and pray Star could beat Hierophant a second time.
But beyond that scenario . . . Polnareff's mind shifted. Went not to a Kakyoin armed and wielding that ability with vicious precision, but to the nineteen-year-old sitting in the chair not two meters away.
God, but he had to be terrified. I knew if the rest of you found out . . . what? Isolation? Or worse? Was Kakyoin waiting for Chariot's sword to reappear? Was he thinking that he'd lost Polnareff as a friend? Well, maybe that latter thought wasn't entirely out of the question. God only knew no one could blame him if he got up and walked out right now. You remind me of the worst time of my life, he could say, and how could anyone dare question that reasoning?
Except . . .
Kakyoin had come down here tonight. He hadn't asked questions, he hadn't sneered or teased or insulted. He'd come down after one desperate text, and he'd sat and listened. He could have protested or ignored the text, but there hadn't been a moment's hesitation. It wasn't the first time, either. He'd offered distraction after Sherry's death here. He hadn't probed or pried; just gave Polnareff a way out of his own head for a while.
You could take any Stand and make it into something horrifying, Polnareff thought, if you had a mind to. You could take Chariot and make him into an instrument of torture, if you had the will and the inclination.]
It's a little like Jotaro and Star, stopping time.
[He said it slowly, staring at the floor. It wasn't dishonesty that made him look away; there was just too much emotion between the two of them for Polnareff to meet Kakyoin's gaze.]
You didn't kill any innocents, though. In that fight I can't remember. You didn't . . . you just fought, using all you had, against someone trying to kill you. Right? Just like Jotaro did, fighting Dio. You used every trick you had, because there you were on your own and you needed to stay alive and make it to tomorrow.
[He glanced back up at Kakyoin. His voice was thick, but his words were clear and steady, and there was no loathing or repulsion in his expression.]
I can't-- I can't tell you I'm fine with it, or that I ever want to know what that's like. I don't even want to think about it much after tonight. But--
[He gestured up towards Hierophant.]
You can't just-- Stands aren't just reflections. It's how you use them. And you've never used yours-- you've never used yours-- to hurt anyone who wasn't already trying to hurt you. I know you haven't, and I know you won't. And that's . . . that's the difference between you and Dio. That's why you're always going to be my friend.
[Kakyoin's initial answer was another slight nod, his own gaze having drifted to the side. He didn't want to look at Polnareff, or to Hierophant who wasn't even there and yet coiled restlessly in the back of his mind in response to his user's quiet fear and distress. He's going to hate me, Kakyoin thought, he's going to hate me because I'm a freak and I always have been.]
I didn't kill him or anyone else--I won't lie and say I didn't want to, or that I wouldn't have if he kept being a threat. But Death 13 was too dangerous for me to risk taking any chances. I had to be sure he couldn't move and kill any of us.
[His hands unfolded, not quite crossing his arms so much as gripping them in an unconsciously insecure gesture looking for some kind of reassurance while refusing to let his Stand out just yet.]
That's basically what I've told Jotaro--I don't care that he and Dio have the same power, no matter how terrifying it is. Star Platinum isn't The World, and he isn't Dio. I mean that, wholeheartedly. But this...I'm not fine with it either. I don't know if I ever will be.
[...]
You're not...even angry? I should have told you of all people after everything we've been through--I should have told you a long time ago, and even with all this you're still-- [The sentence broke off with a sudden crack of his voice before ending with my friend, but the implication was clear.]
[He said it simply, because it was true. After all they'd gone through, after everything they'd shared, all the good times and bad times both here and at home-- how could he not be?]
I'm always--
[They should be level. He didn't want to stand and tower over Kakyoin, not during a conversation like this, and he didn't want there to be so much space between them. Polnareff reached with an open palm.]
C'mere.
[They didn't do that, he and Kakyoin. They weren't like he and Jotaro or Giorno; they didn't curl up next to each other, limbs tangled and breathing steady. But they needed to be level, at least, and it wouldn't hurt if he could grip Kakyoin's hand.]
[There was no argument, just Kakyoin getting up to close the distance and sit next to Polnareff, gripping his hand like a lifeline.]
...I'm sorry.
[It was quiet and sincere, the kind of apology that sounded like it came less from the confident Kakyoin and more from an uncertain and quiet child that had never had friends to apologize to before.]
[He threaded their fingers together, returning that grip just as tightly as he received it.]
Yeah.
[He wasn't angry. Maybe he had cause to be and maybe he didn't, but Polnareff had too many other things to worry about to start getting angry about this. That being said, nor could he brush off that apology as entirely unnecessary. Kakyoin had given it, and Polnareff acknowledged it, and that was the end of it. He tipped his head back, staring up at nothing, as he leaned over and pressed their shoulders together.]
It'd . . . it'd take a lot to make me stop being your friend, Noriaki. And most of it isn't something you'd ever, ever do willingly.
[He took another slow breath and closed his eyes, trying to calm down the uncomfortable writhing of something he still refused to let manifest paired with the nervous pounding of his heart.]
I don't want anyone else to go through what we did. Ever. No one deserves that.
[He shook his head. He was grinning now-- not because he was so happy, but because it was such a relief to talk about something so mundane after all that.]
Buccellati. I've been dying to kiss him for about a month now.
If he doesn't, he's gonna soon, the way I keep acting around him. But I think he's flirting back, so it works out. We keep making excuses to see each other.
[That assurance was worth more than he could say. The fear hadn't faded, not one bit, though it was easier to say to Kakyoin than it had been to Giorno or Jotaro.]
He's learning French for me. I didn't even ask him to, he just-- he said, I want to learn it and two weeks later he's got some basic shit down already.
It's a really direct, sexy way to say I want you. Or at least, it is in French-- you wouldn't say that unless you were trying to sleep with someone-- and he said that was the equivalent, so.
...Really? Giorno told me ti voglio bene was the friendship equivalent of 'I love you', while ti amo was the romantic variant. What a weird minor detail.
[kakyoin your first language is japanese you are not one to talk]
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2016-08-01 07:13 pm (UTC)For as much as I don't remember about the months between August and November, I have fairly clear memories of most of that day. I even remember I had a marionette I'd gotten from...somewhere, I don't know--I think it was for dramatic effect.
I pushed him down a flight of stairs with Hierophant, passed him a written death threat he almost didn't even bother reading, and waited.
[Was this...the first he'd talked about in in real detail? Kakyoin was sure he'd glossed over it briefly with Giorno and possibly Diarmuid, but the only other person that knew the events of that day was Jotaro himself.]
He ended up in the nurse's office because Hierophant had cut his leg to throw him off balance. So I- [It caught in his throat again, Kakyoin gradually turning pale at the recollection. He couldn't force the rest of the sentence out, not from left field like that.]
Hierophant's most powerful ability...isn't Emerald Splash. [His hands had gone rigid, but his expression was a perfect poker face and his voice was calm no matter how much it halted and hesitated.] Our power is...to get under someone's skin and control their movements, even their mind to a limited extent. I remember thinking...he wouldn't attack an innocent woman. So I would be able to kill him by taking control of the school nurse and making her go after him with a pen. I even took out another student's eye in the process, because they were there and in the way. I didn't even know I could do that, but it must have been something I figured out between Cairo and then. No one back home ever knew about it except Jotaro and probably Dio himself; the only other time I used it was the fight none of you remember. I knew if the rest of you found out, you'd--
[He took a slow and measured breath; Hamon training was something he could fall back on as a sense of security, something that let him belong somewhere and reminded him that he could maintain his composure and strength if he could just breathe.]
For all I talk about Stands as being an important reflection of their users--about how Hierophant is my reflection--knowing that's my real power is probably horrifying, right? So it's okay if you...whatever you're thinking about me, I won't hold it against you.
no subject
Date: 2016-08-01 08:02 pm (UTC)There was no other word for it. The ability to control someone else, to puppet their movements . . . hadn't they just spoken about how horrifying it was? Hadn't he just said he'd rather die than ever go through that again? God, and Polnareff glanced away, turning his gaze to a spot on the wall. He couldn't look at Kakyoin right then.
Because, see, the thing was: he could do that to Polnareff right now. He wouldn't, but he could, easy as anything, and that was the most terrifying thought of all. It wouldn't take Dio growing up in order for Polnareff to fall back into some brainwashed drone; all it would take would be a Kakyoin who felt he had due cause. And this city . . . it messed with your head. Made you see things that weren't there and believe things you knew to be a lie.
If Ruby City could make him believe Sherry was alive and well, how hard would it be for it to make Kakyoin believe using that ability was justified?
He exhaled a low, gusty breath, his eyes closing for a moment. Even the hypothetical made his skin crawl and his throat close.
That was a danger. That was likely a danger Kakyoin worried about every day; he'd lived here for over a year and had gone through all kinds of weird shit. He must have thought about that scenario. He must have talked it over with Jotaro. Did they have some kind of fail-safe plan? Probably. He would ask about that later, maybe. Maybe the plan was just to try and put Kakyoin down until he regained his sanity, and pray Star could beat Hierophant a second time.
But beyond that scenario . . . Polnareff's mind shifted. Went not to a Kakyoin armed and wielding that ability with vicious precision, but to the nineteen-year-old sitting in the chair not two meters away.
God, but he had to be terrified. I knew if the rest of you found out . . . what? Isolation? Or worse? Was Kakyoin waiting for Chariot's sword to reappear? Was he thinking that he'd lost Polnareff as a friend? Well, maybe that latter thought wasn't entirely out of the question. God only knew no one could blame him if he got up and walked out right now. You remind me of the worst time of my life, he could say, and how could anyone dare question that reasoning?
Except . . .
Kakyoin had come down here tonight. He hadn't asked questions, he hadn't sneered or teased or insulted. He'd come down after one desperate text, and he'd sat and listened. He could have protested or ignored the text, but there hadn't been a moment's hesitation. It wasn't the first time, either. He'd offered distraction after Sherry's death here. He hadn't probed or pried; just gave Polnareff a way out of his own head for a while.
You could take any Stand and make it into something horrifying, Polnareff thought, if you had a mind to. You could take Chariot and make him into an instrument of torture, if you had the will and the inclination.]
It's a little like Jotaro and Star, stopping time.
[He said it slowly, staring at the floor. It wasn't dishonesty that made him look away; there was just too much emotion between the two of them for Polnareff to meet Kakyoin's gaze.]
You didn't kill any innocents, though. In that fight I can't remember. You didn't . . . you just fought, using all you had, against someone trying to kill you. Right? Just like Jotaro did, fighting Dio. You used every trick you had, because there you were on your own and you needed to stay alive and make it to tomorrow.
[He glanced back up at Kakyoin. His voice was thick, but his words were clear and steady, and there was no loathing or repulsion in his expression.]
I can't-- I can't tell you I'm fine with it, or that I ever want to know what that's like. I don't even want to think about it much after tonight. But--
[He gestured up towards Hierophant.]
You can't just-- Stands aren't just reflections. It's how you use them. And you've never used yours-- you've never used yours-- to hurt anyone who wasn't already trying to hurt you. I know you haven't, and I know you won't. And that's . . . that's the difference between you and Dio. That's why you're always going to be my friend.
no subject
Date: 2016-08-01 08:15 pm (UTC)I didn't kill him or anyone else--I won't lie and say I didn't want to, or that I wouldn't have if he kept being a threat. But Death 13 was too dangerous for me to risk taking any chances. I had to be sure he couldn't move and kill any of us.
[His hands unfolded, not quite crossing his arms so much as gripping them in an unconsciously insecure gesture looking for some kind of reassurance while refusing to let his Stand out just yet.]
That's basically what I've told Jotaro--I don't care that he and Dio have the same power, no matter how terrifying it is. Star Platinum isn't The World, and he isn't Dio. I mean that, wholeheartedly. But this...I'm not fine with it either. I don't know if I ever will be.
[...]
You're not...even angry? I should have told you of all people after everything we've been through--I should have told you a long time ago, and even with all this you're still-- [The sentence broke off with a sudden crack of his voice before ending with my friend, but the implication was clear.]
no subject
Date: 2016-08-01 08:23 pm (UTC)[He said it simply, because it was true. After all they'd gone through, after everything they'd shared, all the good times and bad times both here and at home-- how could he not be?]
I'm always--
[They should be level. He didn't want to stand and tower over Kakyoin, not during a conversation like this, and he didn't want there to be so much space between them. Polnareff reached with an open palm.]
C'mere.
[They didn't do that, he and Kakyoin. They weren't like he and Jotaro or Giorno; they didn't curl up next to each other, limbs tangled and breathing steady. But they needed to be level, at least, and it wouldn't hurt if he could grip Kakyoin's hand.]
no subject
Date: 2016-08-01 08:29 pm (UTC)[There was no argument, just Kakyoin getting up to close the distance and sit next to Polnareff, gripping his hand like a lifeline.]
...I'm sorry.
[It was quiet and sincere, the kind of apology that sounded like it came less from the confident Kakyoin and more from an uncertain and quiet child that had never had friends to apologize to before.]
no subject
Date: 2016-08-01 08:38 pm (UTC)Yeah.
[He wasn't angry. Maybe he had cause to be and maybe he didn't, but Polnareff had too many other things to worry about to start getting angry about this. That being said, nor could he brush off that apology as entirely unnecessary. Kakyoin had given it, and Polnareff acknowledged it, and that was the end of it. He tipped his head back, staring up at nothing, as he leaned over and pressed their shoulders together.]
It'd . . . it'd take a lot to make me stop being your friend, Noriaki. And most of it isn't something you'd ever, ever do willingly.
no subject
Date: 2016-08-01 08:43 pm (UTC)[He took another slow breath and closed his eyes, trying to calm down the uncomfortable writhing of something he still refused to let manifest paired with the nervous pounding of his heart.]
I don't want anyone else to go through what we did. Ever. No one deserves that.
no subject
Date: 2016-08-01 08:51 pm (UTC)[For once, the answer wasn't caveated by anything, even in his mind.]
You okay?
no subject
Date: 2016-08-01 08:53 pm (UTC)I'm alright. What about you?
no subject
Date: 2016-08-01 09:01 pm (UTC)Yeah. I think so. Though I dunno how much more I can talk about emotional stuff, so maybe let's save any other revelations for another night.
[He still didn't let go of Kakyoin's hand, though.]
no subject
Date: 2016-08-01 09:03 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-08-01 09:06 pm (UTC)I do. Not something worse, but it's something stupid you don't know yet.
no subject
Date: 2016-08-01 09:08 pm (UTC)[Kakyoin looked over as well,hesitant but a little curious.]
I'm still listening, if you want to talk about it.
no subject
Date: 2016-08-01 09:14 pm (UTC)[He shook his head. He was grinning now-- not because he was so happy, but because it was such a relief to talk about something so mundane after all that.]
Buccellati. I've been dying to kiss him for about a month now.
no subject
Date: 2016-08-01 09:17 pm (UTC)[It didn't sound like he actually doubted it--surprised as he was by that, Kakyoin brightened up almost immediately.]
Does he know yet?
no subject
Date: 2016-08-01 09:27 pm (UTC)[He shook his head.]
If he doesn't, he's gonna soon, the way I keep acting around him. But I think he's flirting back, so it works out. We keep making excuses to see each other.
no subject
Date: 2016-08-01 09:31 pm (UTC)[He squeezed Polnareff's hand lightly, in silent reassurance.]
Buccellati's clever and pretty perceptive, though. I think you're right to suspect he might know already.
no subject
Date: 2016-08-01 09:40 pm (UTC)He's learning French for me. I didn't even ask him to, he just-- he said, I want to learn it and two weeks later he's got some basic shit down already.
no subject
Date: 2016-08-01 09:45 pm (UTC)Seriously? That's pretty cool--at this rate everyone in the house is going to end up with at least three different languages.
no subject
Date: 2016-08-01 09:52 pm (UTC)[A beat, and then, with a little grin:]
You wanna know what else he taught me how to say in Italian?
no subject
Date: 2016-08-01 09:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-08-01 09:58 pm (UTC)[Remember when Bruno was like don't tell anyone I preferred it in French? Oh, well.]
no subject
Date: 2016-08-01 10:02 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-08-01 10:06 pm (UTC)gdit html
Date: 2016-08-01 10:10 pm (UTC)[kakyoin your first language is japanese you are not one to talk]
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