rubycity_rp ic inbox | I

[lapidarius]

"This is Kakyoin Noriaki. Please leave a message, I'll contact you as soon as I can."

⇦ ● ⇨

Comments

[lapidarius]

I don't care that you let on about what happened to me. It was a mistake, god knows we've made plenty of those. I'm talking about before that.

...I get why you'd want to protect me. But I don't want anyone acting like I need to be kept behind a shield, you least of all.

[starmark]

I get that. ...I don't act like that when it's not...when I'm thinking about what I'm doing.

[...]

I get that you're pissed that it happened. I just...I can't promise it's not going to happen again. But I'm not doing it because I'm ignoring how you feel, or something.

[lapidarius]

...I know that, Jojo. I'm not upset about it anymore, so just...don't worry about it for now, okay?

[...]

Sorry. I shouldn't have snapped at you about it, that really wasn't the time.

[starmark]

...

[He hesitated a few seconds, gaze darting away before gradually receding back.]

...What did you mean, just now, when you said "you, least of all"? Why me least of all?

[lapidarius]

What--isn't that obvious? I don't want anyone to think that I'm weak, but you're...you're my friend. I can't fight beside a partner that thinks I need to be protected.

[starmark]

...You know, when Jiji told me your message...

[He paused, considering the thought carefully, and perhaps getting a little lost in memory while he was at it.]

...He told me to run. He got knocked off the roof of a building and fell onto the sidewalk, and he was just getting up when he saw me. But he didn't...run to where I was. He stopped where he was, and said "don't come near me".

[...]

Even though Star Platinum is a short-range Stand. Even though...Hermit Purple could've pulled him over.

[lapidarius]

...

[Kakyoin listened in silence, reminding himself that it was fine--he was the last of their group to die, and the others had all survived one way or another.]

[starmark]

...Do you think he thought I could do it?

Or was he just trying to give me a chance to run and escape what was coming?

[lapidarius]

...If you want my guess, I'd call it the former. I don't think he would have determined we came all that way for nothing, regardless of how hopeless the situation was.

[starmark]

I don't know.

I guess...why I thought of that, I don't think it was because he thought I needed to be protected, either.

[...]

I guess sometimes you just do that, when it's the people who mean a lot to you.

[lapidarius]

...You're right.

[Kakyoin couldn't say that he wouldn't guard Jotaro with his life if he thought it was necessary. Of course he would, without a second's hesitation. So it was difficult to be frustrated about the idea without being a hypocrite.]

I'll try to remember that. If this happens again, I mean.

[starmark]

...I mean, you should still be pissed at me.

Just. I've never thought you were weak or helpless. Ever.

[...]

Even when you can't be the strong Kakyoin you want to be, that doesn't mean I think you're weak.

[lapidarius]

You really-

[No, he stopped that answer midsentence. There was no need to ask 'you really mean that?', because Jotaro wouldn't just say something he didn't mean.]

...thanks. That's...that means a lot.

[starmark]

...Sure.

[He probably was supposed to say something better than "sure" there, but he wasn't sure precisely what it was.]

And. I'm not saying this is what I did tonight, it's not, but. I can think of at least one time I'd try to keep you behind a shield, and that has nothing to do with thinking you're weak, either.

[lapidarius]

...What's that supposed to mean?

[It wasn't a snapped accusation, but it wasn't quite as simple as just a question. Feeling uncertain and a little out of his element when it came to things like this, he looked away again.]

[starmark]

...If I didn't know what to do. I'd try to protect you to give you a chance to find a way to beat them.

It's like you said. I'm better-suited to a close range fight, so I'd try to pressure them into having to focus on me. While you found their weakness.

[lapidarius]

I-...yeah. I'm fine with that, I mean--you'd be better at that than i would, anyway.

[starmark]

...I'm sorry, though.

It sounds like I'm trying to explain away what I did, right?

[lapidarius]

No--it's fine. I already said I understand your reasoning, so stop apologizing. I'd do the same for you if it came down to that.

[starmark]

I don't usually say I'm sorry for things I do.

[...]

Are you okay?

[lapidarius]

And I'm telling you I'll accept your apology, so you don't have to keep doing it.

[...he's trying, okay.]

I'm fine now. Really--it's just that I haven't talked about that kind of thing with many people, so it caught me off guard. it's not your fault or Giovanna's, so don't worry about that.

[starmark]

...You grabbed me with Hierophant.

[lapidarius]

It's like you said: 'it wasn't like I was thinking about it'.

Hierophant hasn't acted independently on that level since I was a kid--I mean, he moves on his own when I'm nervous or angry, but not quite like that. I just didn't-... [Kakyoin frowned slightly, trying to figure out how he wanted to say this. It was better to just say it and be clear, right?]

...I didn't want you to leave.

[starmark]

[He hesitated then, trying to fit words to a concept he wasn't sure how to explain, to put his finger on something he knew he'd seen but wasn't sure how to adequately pin down.

Most of the false starts, he found, began with I don't want you to feel like, and then fell short when he realized he didn't have the words to fill in the like what.

But...that. That, that moment with hands over his face, that ugly moment when his own nerves were exploding white and Hierophant landed on his collar.

That strange, open moment that had followed it, when he hadn't cared about much of anything because he'd been too preoccupied with what was right in front of him, when he'd pulled Kakyoin's hands away from his face and said I'm here — what he really wanted was to somehow say, I'll do that again, if you need it.

And of course, he had no idea how.]

...If you're —

[...]

...I didn't mind. That you did that. I still don't.

[lapidarius]

I didn't think that you would.

[It was right about then that it occurred to Kakyoin--he'd never used Hierophant like that at all. It answered his thoughts both conscious and unconscious, but it was the latter which found itself relevant in this instance. He'd wanted that contact, the concrete assurance that his friend and most reliable source of strength was directly beside him.]

[Kakyoin looked at his own hand with a distant stare, recalling the peculiar sensation that defied any real description. It wasn't like taking damage when Hierophant was struck in a fight, more...subtle and distant. A feather-light touch that was undeniably there without being direct.]

[Quietly--as though he'd just realized he should be answering with more than that--Kakyoin answered without looking up.]

...I'm...really glad you're here with me, Jotaro.