I get that. ...I don't act like that when it's not...when I'm thinking about what I'm doing.
[...]
I get that you're pissed that it happened. I just...I can't promise it's not going to happen again. But I'm not doing it because I'm ignoring how you feel, or something.
What--isn't that obvious? I don't want anyone to think that I'm weak, but you're...you're my friend. I can't fight beside a partner that thinks I need to be protected.
[He paused, considering the thought carefully, and perhaps getting a little lost in memory while he was at it.]
...He told me to run. He got knocked off the roof of a building and fell onto the sidewalk, and he was just getting up when he saw me. But he didn't...run to where I was. He stopped where he was, and said "don't come near me".
[...]
Even though Star Platinum is a short-range Stand. Even though...Hermit Purple could've pulled him over.
[Kakyoin listened in silence, reminding himself that it was fine--he was the last of their group to die, and the others had all survived one way or another.]
...If you want my guess, I'd call it the former. I don't think he would have determined we came all that way for nothing, regardless of how hopeless the situation was.
[Kakyoin couldn't say that he wouldn't guard Jotaro with his life if he thought it was necessary. Of course he would, without a second's hesitation. So it was difficult to be frustrated about the idea without being a hypocrite.]
I'll try to remember that. If this happens again, I mean.
[He probably was supposed to say something better than "sure" there, but he wasn't sure precisely what it was.]
And. I'm not saying this is what I did tonight, it's not, but. I can think of at least one time I'd try to keep you behind a shield, and that has nothing to do with thinking you're weak, either.
[It wasn't a snapped accusation, but it wasn't quite as simple as just a question. Feeling uncertain and a little out of his element when it came to things like this, he looked away again.]
And I'm telling you I'll accept your apology, so you don't have to keep doing it.
[...he's trying, okay.]
I'm fine now. Really--it's just that I haven't talked about that kind of thing with many people, so it caught me off guard. it's not your fault or Giovanna's, so don't worry about that.
It's like you said: 'it wasn't like I was thinking about it'.
Hierophant hasn't acted independently on that level since I was a kid--I mean, he moves on his own when I'm nervous or angry, but not quite like that. I just didn't-... [Kakyoin frowned slightly, trying to figure out how he wanted to say this. It was better to just say it and be clear, right?]
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Date: 2015-08-26 04:32 am (UTC)[He folded his arms, glancing away before looking up again.]
Yeah. I know. ...I understand why you did that, but you understand why it really pissed me off, right?
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Date: 2015-08-26 04:42 am (UTC)[...Wait, no, that wasn't where he wanted to go with that, shit.]
...Wait. Which thing are we talking about?
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Date: 2015-08-26 04:45 am (UTC)...I get why you'd want to protect me. But I don't want anyone acting like I need to be kept behind a shield, you least of all.
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Date: 2015-08-26 04:55 am (UTC)[...]
I get that you're pissed that it happened. I just...I can't promise it's not going to happen again. But I'm not doing it because I'm ignoring how you feel, or something.
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Date: 2015-08-26 04:56 am (UTC)[...]
Sorry. I shouldn't have snapped at you about it, that really wasn't the time.
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Date: 2015-08-26 04:58 am (UTC)[He hesitated a few seconds, gaze darting away before gradually receding back.]
...What did you mean, just now, when you said "you, least of all"? Why me least of all?
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Date: 2015-08-26 05:07 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-08-26 05:31 am (UTC)[He paused, considering the thought carefully, and perhaps getting a little lost in memory while he was at it.]
...He told me to run. He got knocked off the roof of a building and fell onto the sidewalk, and he was just getting up when he saw me. But he didn't...run to where I was. He stopped where he was, and said "don't come near me".
[...]
Even though Star Platinum is a short-range Stand. Even though...Hermit Purple could've pulled him over.
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Date: 2015-08-26 05:37 am (UTC)[Kakyoin listened in silence, reminding himself that it was fine--he was the last of their group to die, and the others had all survived one way or another.]
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Date: 2015-08-26 05:40 am (UTC)...Do you think he thought I could do it?
Or was he just trying to give me a chance to run and escape what was coming?
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Date: 2015-08-26 05:42 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-08-26 05:51 am (UTC)I guess...why I thought of that, I don't think it was because he thought I needed to be protected, either.
[...]
I guess sometimes you just do that, when it's the people who mean a lot to you.
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Date: 2015-08-26 05:56 am (UTC)[Kakyoin couldn't say that he wouldn't guard Jotaro with his life if he thought it was necessary. Of course he would, without a second's hesitation. So it was difficult to be frustrated about the idea without being a hypocrite.]
I'll try to remember that. If this happens again, I mean.
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Date: 2015-08-26 05:59 am (UTC)Just. I've never thought you were weak or helpless. Ever.
[...]
Even when you can't be the strong Kakyoin you want to be, that doesn't mean I think you're weak.
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Date: 2015-08-26 06:02 am (UTC)[No, he stopped that answer midsentence. There was no need to ask 'you really mean that?', because Jotaro wouldn't just say something he didn't mean.]
...thanks. That's...that means a lot.
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Date: 2015-08-26 06:07 am (UTC)[He probably was supposed to say something better than "sure" there, but he wasn't sure precisely what it was.]
And. I'm not saying this is what I did tonight, it's not, but. I can think of at least one time I'd try to keep you behind a shield, and that has nothing to do with thinking you're weak, either.
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Date: 2015-08-26 06:10 am (UTC)[It wasn't a snapped accusation, but it wasn't quite as simple as just a question. Feeling uncertain and a little out of his element when it came to things like this, he looked away again.]
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Date: 2015-08-26 06:14 am (UTC)It's like you said. I'm better-suited to a close range fight, so I'd try to pressure them into having to focus on me. While you found their weakness.
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Date: 2015-08-26 06:17 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-08-26 06:19 am (UTC)It sounds like I'm trying to explain away what I did, right?
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Date: 2015-08-26 06:20 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-08-26 06:24 am (UTC)[...]
Are you okay?
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Date: 2015-08-26 06:28 am (UTC)[...he's trying, okay.]
I'm fine now. Really--it's just that I haven't talked about that kind of thing with many people, so it caught me off guard. it's not your fault or Giovanna's, so don't worry about that.
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Date: 2015-08-26 06:29 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-08-26 06:35 am (UTC)Hierophant hasn't acted independently on that level since I was a kid--I mean, he moves on his own when I'm nervous or angry, but not quite like that. I just didn't-... [Kakyoin frowned slightly, trying to figure out how he wanted to say this. It was better to just say it and be clear, right?]
...I didn't want you to leave.
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