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[lapidarius]

"This is Kakyoin Noriaki. Please leave a message, I'll contact you as soon as I can."

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Comments

[starmark]

So which way do you think it goes? Did Hierophant already know what it could do, and taught you how to activate it? Or did Hierophant answer because that's what you wanted him to do?

[lapidarius]

I've never been sure which way it goes. There have always been some things Hierophant knew that I didn't--his name, for example. But I also know that he's always found a way to answer when I needed something. For all I know, there might still be some things I haven't learned yet, whether he shows me or I figure it out myself.

['developmental potential: D' is one rank above hermit purple, folks]

Like I said, I don't always know where 'Kakyoin Noriaki' stops and 'Hierophant Green' starts. In or out of a fight, the line between Hierophant already knowing what to do and me telling him what to do isn't always clear even to me.

So I guess...I really don't know how to answer that, Jojo.

[starmark]

...Stands are weird like that. But I think seeing other people's — especially ones like Sex Pistols, that are so different and weird — I think that can give a lot of insight into the way ours work, too.

[And he was running the backs of his fingers lengthwise along Hierophant now, not quite like petting a cat, but certainly an absentminded gesture of affection.]

Sometimes with Star it feels sort of like...having a pet, I guess. It's weird to think of him as being entirely me when sometimes he operates without me. It's not just me wanting to avoid getting hurt, and my wanting is what directs him. Sometimes it's more subconscious, it's more...I can act reckless, but he just knows to intervene.

[lapidarius]

Is that how it is for you?

[Kakyoin smiled, seeming completely relaxed as he thought about it. Maybe that was due to talking about a subject he enjoyed, or because of the light and caring touches to Hierophant.]

I think that makes sense, yeah.

[starmark]

Sex Pistols does it, too. Self-preservation...or I guess you could call it "user preservation", but it's sort of the same thing. Being able to act independently to protect their user even if the user is unconscious.

[He hummed reflectively.]

So, knocking Mista out wouldn't necessarily stop Sex Pistols, and it wouldn't necessarily stop Star, either.

[lapidarius]

I wonder if Hierophant's ever done that. Death Thirteen was one thing, but obviously I don't know if he's acted while I was unconscious or asleep otherwise.

[. . .]

...I've never talked about him like this with anyone before. I don't...sound crazy or anything, right? Talking about how I don't always know the difference between us or things like that, I mean.

[starmark]

[Ah. There it was again, one of Kakyoin's subconscious nervous check-ins: is this really okay, do I sound crazy, you don't think it's weird?

He was going to have to remember to buy Giorno a case of chocolate pudding sometime; where once he knew full well he would've gotten frustrated and made demands, insisting on knowing why Kakyoin would even assume something like that in the first place, all of a sudden now it was like holding a crystal ball in his hands and being able to see where the odd behaviors all fit into place.]

...Actually, it helps me out a lot. It wasn't like we ever really had a lot of time to just sit around and think about our Stands; we were too busy using them. So having the chance to think about it now...it makes me realize how much I don't know, which is why hearing what you think is really helpful.

[lapidarius]

[Put completely at ease just like that, Kakyoin smiled brightly in response. Ordinarily he might have stopped long enough to realize that answer may have been different than expected, but the approach to his favorite subject completely distracted him.]

You think so too? Even as long as I've had him, there's a lot that I don't know either--like you said, most of the time we were more focused on fighting with them. I've never had any real opportunity to see other Stands in any normal context until now.

...I really like having the chance to think about it, knowing more about what they are now.

[starmark]

...Star ate chocolate pudding the other night.

[...Which may have inadvertently revealed where the pudding cup balanced on Kakyoin's face the other night had come from, as well. WHOOPS.]

Do you think if Hierophant went in the water, he'd fan out across the surface like a puddle? If you weren't making him hold his shape, I mean.

[lapidarius]

... [you little shit.]

I've never thought to try it, but maybe he would.

[starmark]

We should try sometime.

[...]

So. My mom liked him too, huh?

[lapidarius]

I think that she did, yeah. I told you I'd be able to handle it.

[starmark]

I never doubted you were the right person for it. So thanks, I know it wouldn't have gone nearly so well if it'd been me.

[lapidarius]

It's okay, really. You don't have to thank me, I just wanted to help.

['Because you keep useful things as long as they're useful.']

[Whether Kakyoin consciously knew what he was doing or not--and he didn't--the fact that he'd been able to do something positive about the situation was enough.]

[starmark]

...Hey. Hierophant's out, and taking you back to your room if I have to isn't any trouble, so...

[Um. Okay, maybe that was sort of an awkward lead-in, but they couldn't all be winners.]

...If you want to try to get some sleep, I'll take care of —

[It?]

— you.

[lapidarius]

Oh--

[Hierophant didn't move, but Kakyoin himself seemed to pull back and straighten up.]

Right, it's...late, isn't it? Should I just...just leave so you can sleep and save you the trouble in the first place?

[starmark]

Kakyoin.

[His voice came quietly, without reproach, but still gently firm.]

Listen to what I'm saying. If you want to try to fall asleep here, while it's quiet and Hierophant and I are both with you, that's what I'm offering.

If you want that, say yes and come over here.

[lapidarius]

...

[Of course he wanted it. Kakyoin had wanted to sit next to him this entire time, but there was 'what he wanted' and 'what was probably expected of him'. So he'd settled on letting Hierophant take that position--until now, when he was outright given the option rather than considering taking it for himself.]

[Slowly, he stood up and crossed the room to sit down next to Jotaro, Hierophant loosely around both their shoulders.]

...okay.

[starmark]

...I promise you can't lose this hand, no matter what cards you play. I promise.

[He worked one arm free, wrapping it loosely around Kakyoin's back with his hand slung low to sit in the curve of his waist.]

Do what it takes to get comfortable. Nothing you do is going to be wrong, I promise. So take a chance, Kakyoin. You won't lose.

[lapidarius]

[He didn't flinch at where Jotaro's arm had stopped, but it took a second or two for Kakyoin to actually relax with it there. He wasn't exactly in pain as often anymore; for now, his biggest problem seemed to be that the lingering damage was still a sensitive point.]

I can't lose, huh...? [Hesitantly, Kakyoin moved a little closer and put his arms around Jotaro's waist, cautiously leaning his head on the taller student's shoulder.]

So this is okay, right?

[starmark]

You can't lose. It's okay, I'm right here.

[It really wasn't burdensome at all, either; Kakyoin was just about the right height to settle in comfortably, and the weight of his head on Jotaro's shoulder was pleasant in its own way.]

You can relax like this...right?

[lapidarius]

...I guess that depends on whether or not you can.

[starmark]

...

[Okay. Okay. So how was he supposed to navigate something like...hnnnnngh.]

I like it when you're close by.

[lapidarius]

So you're okay with this? Tell me the truth; don't say what you think I should hear.

[...]

I feel better when I'm close to you. But I want to be sure it's something you definitely want as well.

[starmark]

...How do I help you be sure? What does it take?

[He shifted, leaning over to rest his chin atop Kakyoin's head, nestled in soft red hair.]

I want you to be able to believe me, I want you to know the way I feel about things, too. I...need you to show me how to do that.

[He took a slow breath, letting it out again as he held Kakyoin a little tighter.]

If I might need to say things more than once, that's okay. Just tell me, so I know. Because when I don't know, it feels like...you ask me to say it again and I don't know why. I don't understand what was wrong with it the first time.

That's not your fault. I just need to understand, and I don't. So help me...?