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[lapidarius]

"This is Kakyoin Noriaki. Please leave a message, I'll contact you as soon as I can."

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[lapidarius]

It's not.

[That answer came immediately, as though it hadn't required thought at all. It couldn't have been any easier for Joseph just like it wasn't easy for Jotaro. Dying had been simple, living past that was what seemed nigh impossible.]

No one goes back to being normal after...all of this. Cairo, whatever you guys were doing, there's no 'happily ever after', there's no 'back to the way things were'. There's just 'trying not to be fucked up'. But there's also the fact that neither of us have to try to do that alone.

Listen to me, okay--really carefully. Rushing ahead would be careless, you're absolutely right to be concerned about Suzie as well as just in general. But you're not just rushing ahead, the factthat you're here talking about this at all proves that. And you don't have to solve every single problem here at this exact second. If there's one thing this place is good for, it's giving time to people that don't have any--so for now you and Joseph both have time to work through this whole thing as cautiously as you need to.

Your happiness doesn't automatically mean someone else's misery, Caesar. Not Suzie's, not Holly's, not anyone's. It's not completely, unforgivably selfish to think 'I deserve to be unconditionally happy just once after the shit I've been through.'

[mylegacy]

[He huffs out a breath.]

Historically speaking, my happiness hasn't really coincided with anyone else's.

[There's still one thing he wants to ask about, but at the same time he really, really doesn't. He doesn't want to talk about any of this. He doesn't want to be here, but he doesn't want to go home. He has no idea what he wants — which is exactly the problem.]

[He drags his hands down his face, up through his hair, ends up with his hands folded on the table and his chin rested on top of them.]

This is all so stupid. It's stupid that it's happening at all, it's stupid that I'm so shit at it, all of this is stupid.

[lapidarius]

It's pretty stupid. [He picked up the notebook,putting it back in his jacket.] Things like this shouldn't be nearly this difficult. Or at least, we shouldn't have to worry so damn much about them.

...But I think it's okay if you're not any good at it. Neither am I, and I think I've gotten a little better. You will too, I'm sure.

[mylegacy]

Nnnmmff.

[Articulate. He blows his bangs out of his face.]

If I don't utterly fuck everything up first.

[lapidarius]

...

[He stopped for a second, like something about that struck a chord somewhere. After a short silence, he adjusted his glasses and spoke up quietly:]

'Sometimes change is like crawling up a steep gravel hill on your elbows. It'll hurt. You'll fuck up. You'll slide back down.

No one is going to stop caring about you if that happens.'

[mylegacy]

[Well.]

[He looks up at Kakyoin, eyes narrowed.]

People stop caring about you if you hurt them. Sometimes you don't even have to hurt them to make that happen. Sometimes it just happens.

[lapidarius]

But it won't. You're not going to knowingly hurt anyone that doesn't deserve it. Doing something unintentionally, though--that just happens. It's called making mistakes and fucking up, everyone does it once in a while.

I've screwed up a lot of different ways and gotten Jotaro pissed off at me before. It didn't change anything. He was angry, but that didn't automatically translate to 'I hate you and never want to see you again, Kakyoin' even if I was absolutely convinced that it would.

...I told you I wanted to be part of this family. I wanted whatever that other Kakyoin Fujiko told you to be true, weird and surreal as it might be. I meant it then, and I mean it now. Family doesn't turn their back on one another, right? Even if you did something to really make me angry, I wouldn't suddenly despise you. And I know friends don't just turn their backs on each other. No one here is going to despise you or write you off as a lost cause. I won't allow it, even if they tried.

[mylegacy]

It's not that simple. Why do you think it's that simple? Christ, Kakyoin, I've written people off in the few months since I got here, and for less than this. Not much less, but less.

[He lets out a frustrated noise, not sure how to explain it. He just doesn't believe this will turn out. He doesn't believe people will give him the benefit of the doubt like that, because no one ever has — no one he's known in the long term, with the possible exception of Suzie. And she'd be the one in the way of getting hurt, just because he wants to be happy.]

[It's not a good enough reason. It's just not.]

[lapidarius]

Why do you think it's not?

[That didn't come out as a challenge, no matter how it was worded. All Kakyoin did in response was ask a simple, honest question.]

You're a good teacher--I don't understand it, so explain it to me.

[mylegacy]

Because people like Jojo and Jotaro aren't fucking normal. People like me, shitty vindictive awful people, those are normal. Common. People who take advantage of other people, those are normal too.

Trusting people is just — a good way to get the shit kicked out of you, even if you haven't done anything wrong. If you do do something wrong and then expect everyone to just forgive you, then you deserve whatever comes of your stupidity.

[lapidarius]

...You're right. People who take advantage of others exist, and there's a lot of them. [Kakyoin folded his arms, gripping the sleeves of his jacket like there was much more he wanted to say there.] And when you've been hurt by someone like that, someone who uses and discards you--it's harder to trust people. Much, much harder. But just because there's a lot of people like that doesn't mean everyone is. And it doesn't mean that there's no one worth trusting in the world.

Tell me honestly, Caesar; do you think I would turn around and leave if you said or did something that made me angry, or do you think I'm one of those people that isn't 'normal'?

[mylegacy]

I think . . .

I think everyone has their limits. I think yours are farther out with me than other people's might be. So it would take a lot. But it's not impossible.

I wouldn't betray you like — I just wouldn't. And I wouldn't lie to you. But people like Holly, I think if she saw this as a betrayal, I couldn't even argue with it. I couldn't ask her to trust me again, or forgive me.

[lapidarius]

My unfortunately short temper aside, I know where my limits are regarding you. It's the same as with my other friends--nothing you could do would make me simply stop caring. But you can believe there's a limit if you don't believe what I'm telling you now. It's a better answer than I anticipated.

[...]

I can't speak for miss Holly and I won't try to. I can't expect something like this will be simple for her, but my own assumption based on what I know is that she cares too much to truly hate anyone.

[mylegacy]

Everyone is capable of hate. That's part of what makes us human.

[He sighs and rubs at his eyes, sitting up a little straighter.]

People who think they can't hate anyone have just been lucky so far. What answer did you expect?

[lapidarius]

I don't really know. I'm not a shining example of patience and civility myself, so...I just don't know what I thought you'd say.

[He shrugged, looking away.]

Maybe she is. But I don't think she could hate you. Hell, I tried to kill Jotaro and the first thing she did was come over with a first aid kit.

[mylegacy]

Yeah. But you didn't. So it's different.

[lapidarius]

I almost did. And I was bleeding all over the place. Honestly, my mother would've at least said something about ruining her floor before fixing up someone like that.

[mylegacy]

So what you're saying is you think she's not normal.

[lapidarius]

No--what--I didn't mean it like that!

[mylegacy]

Then what the hell did you mean?

[lapidarius]

I'm trying to say she's absurdly goddamn nice and as long as you're not actively going to the effort of pissing her off directly, I don't think that she'll hate you.

[mylegacy]

I'd place a bet against you if there was money here.

[lapidarius]

The last time I placed a bet, I got my soul ripped out. I've kind of sworn off gambling in general.

But even so, in that situation I'd take you up on that.

[mylegacy]

Aren't we in a room essentially designed for gambling?

Ugh, whatever. None of this has stopped being stupid.

[lapidarius]

It has not, in fact, stopped being stupid. You're correct.