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[lapidarius]

"This is Kakyoin Noriaki. Please leave a message, I'll contact you as soon as I can."

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Comments

4/10, ass o'clock in the morning

[mylegacy]

[Kakyoin is a good kid. He doesn't deserve this. And Caesar does actually consider not sending it to him at all, but it's on his mind, so . . .]

[So.]

[So he types out a whole thing about what happened and how he's trying to decide whether to panic or not and deciding whether or not to panic is making him panic and yes, it's after two in the morning, but they should go for a walk or train or something, and on and on for about fifteen texts.]

[Then he deletes all of it and sends Kakyoin a bunch of chart attachments instead — all Italian, of course. Counting to 100, common greeting phrases, and a massive number of grammar rules, including for definite and indefinite articles, noun declensions, noun plurals, adjective inflection, pronouns, verb conjugations in present tense, prepositions, and word order.]

[. . . Happy fuckoff o'clock in the morning, Kakyoin. You entered into this willingly.]

[lapidarius]

[Luckily, Kakyoin was in fact awake at fuckoff o'clock AM. This particular morning-by-definition-only found him in the kitchen with a cup of coffee. And luckily he already had a notebook, so he didn't have to go far to find something to copy that down.]

[Which he did, handing the watch to Hierophant in the process. That way he could write and work out a response at the same time.]

Thanks. I'm copying it over right now.

Can't sleep?

[mylegacy]

Not yet, no.

Why aren't you asleep?

[lapidarius]

I can't, either. That just kind of happens on occasion.

[mylegacy]

Oh. Well.

Apparently when I don't sleep I make charts.

[lapidarius]

They're nice charts, at least. Really easy to follow.

Occasionally when I'm up this late I end up drawing. Just to keep my hands busy, you know?

[mylegacy]

Are you drawing now?

[lapidarius]

I was, before you sent that. Now I'm copying those charts so I have them when I'm not carrying my pocketwatch. Why?

[mylegacy]

I was just wondering. I don't really have anything interesting to say, and you never talk about your art.

[lapidarius]

Most of what I do is painting, but lately I've realized it's a hell of a lot more practical to carry around a pen and notebook. I'm way out of practice, so I've just kind of been sketching at random.

[mylegacy]

People? Animals?

[lapidarius]

Mostly people. I'm really not all that talented, just kind of an amateur.

[mylegacy]

Why do you always do that?

[lapidarius]

Do what?

[mylegacy]

Take every opportunity to talk about how inadequate you feel you are.

[lapidarius]

I didn't

[...]

I don't know. I'm trying to stop doing that.

[mylegacy]

Do you not realize you do it?

[lapidarius]

I never used to do it much, if at all. For the past few months or so it's just kind of developed into an unfortunate habit tied to an unfortunate perspective.

Like I said. I'm working on it the best that I can.

[mylegacy]

I wasn't criticizing. I wouldn't know how to work on it in the first place.

[lapidarius]

To be honest, I'm not really sure either. I guess I'm just trying to remember what it felt like when I was actually confident. Or at least try to find a point where I wasn't just pretending to be.

[mylegacy]

Do you think you can be both at the same time? Confident and not.

[lapidarius]

Yeah. I think it might even be better that way in some cases. Being completely confident about something tends to lead into acting like an idiot, so having some level of doubt might be better to keep someone grounded.

[mylegacy]

Or it might make you doubt yourself in the situations where you shouldn't, and then get cocky when you should think twice.

[lapidarius]

I guess it would depend on the circumstances, really.

[mylegacy]

Does everybody think about this kind of thing but me?